AndMore...Is being realistic the same as being negative?

With all the positive messages going on, The Secret exploding on book shelves and talk show hosts promoting the theme...have we lost a grip on reality?

It's been a stressful year.  Not just day, week or month.  By the time the Sandy Storm came I was already burning out.  After the storm I felt more like a numb person just going through the motions.  My mid day break during the week is the time where I mentally tally the day.  I have to figure out what will be done and what else will sit on the burner.  By the time I walk back to my desk I would have a plan.


One day on my break I was deep in thought and someone noticed.  There is so much to say about the conversation that followed, but I will stick to the theme of this post.  He asked why I was deep in thought and looking so exhausted.  I explained my one way 6 hour commute was getting to me.  Prior to the storm the 2-3 hour it would take was getting to me. Before I could say that at some point things will change, he began his chant.  'Your health comes first. Perhaps you have no man because you are wasting your time with just work (he asked if I were married earlier in conversation).  You need to be positive and believe everything will go your way.  You must put your health first and leave a job that takes most of your life. You are miserable because you are negative.'


Incredible! He got all that with a 3 sentence answer to a question.  I replied in bullet form.
My health is taken care of due to the insurance from my job.
My relationship status is my concern...thanks
I am positive.  I am also realistic.  Leaving a job doesn't pay the rent, Dr. or bills.

He was so upset that he was yelling.  Saying that it was no use 'helping me' because I liked being miserable.  That I was not positive and therefore miserable.  I laughed.

The irony is...I was only miserable after he started talking to me.


A friend was telling me about how she wanted to begin looking into how to save money to purchase a home.  To get with an accountant to see about the best way to begin that process.  A friend of hers began to say how all she had to do was believe she would get a home and BHAM! it would arrive.


Another friend was having issues with her husband.  He was always narcissistic, lately more so.  Another friend of ours was overpowering the conversation by saying she just had to believe that things will change and they will.  No other effort required.


This reminds me of the mother years ago that was schizophrenic.  She was also a devout christian.  Rather then take her medication she believed that by believing she would he healed.  She was given the guidance that she had to believe she would be cured, if she wasn't then she didn't believe.  The voices ended up telling her to kill her sons.  One died, one survived thanks to his father.  Her belief did not waiver.

I have no problem with believing.  Even less problem with visualizing, however I don't believe that we were created the way we are so that we could be lazy egomaniacs sitting around waiting for things to happen.


Believing that my commute would get better didn't happen.  It's worse.  Believing that a house would fall on my friends lap, didn't happen.  What will happen is looking clearly with an open mind for all the options that open up when one pays attention.

I believe that a small book was created by repeating very small portions of what others spent years compiling.  It's not just about believing, it's not just about being positive.  It's about being open, being ready and working towards a greater goal.

It is by talking aka networking that we find out what is out there.  Yet, one can't talk without being accused of being negative.  One can't dream or plan without getting preached about being positive.   It's the new religion.  It really is.

So... I ask.... does being realistic equate to being negative?

I don't think so.  If I see a truck coming at me, I will realistically move out of the way.  Not stand there and be positive that the outcome will be positive.

Despicable they...

Time for another round....

Despicable they...

Passive Aggressive (PA) -  It is characterized by an obstructionist or hostile manner that indicates aggression, or, in more general terms, expressing aggression in non-assertive, subtle (i.e. passive or indirect) ways.

I think society is full of them.  As if Type A (I want to rule the world but still seem wonderful) people aren't bad enough,  you have the PA group floating about with an alligator smile.

Let's break it down

The Encyclopedia PA - These people read all day, they don't really research, they just skim through enough to try and fool people into thinking they are worldly.  Fact is, these E/PA rarely get out, have no friends and are probably shunned by their own family.  Worse...they don't know shit!


The I am going to hate you for no reason but act like I really like you PA, let's call them Asshole PA for short (A/PA) - These people go out of their way to converse with you.  They always ask a lot of questions as if interested.  They also smile a lot - a smile that never reaches their eyes.  They will then talk to anyone about you.  Trying to create a hate cult.


The I love you but love you not PA, better known as MindF^&Ks PA (MF/PA) - These people love you when they see you, don't even think about you when they don't.  You're their best kept secret and mostly are too ashamed to admit they know you.


The Blind PA  (B/PA) - These people pretend to see nothing, they know everything but see nothing.  They will not be a witness unless they are getting something out of it.  No matter the circumstances.


The Handicap PA  (H/PA) - These people instantly become handicaps when you walk in.  They can't do anything, fix anything, resolve anything because they know you will do it.  Once you leave they are very self sufficient.  Lazy to the core.


The Planner PA  (P/PA) - These people act and react like victims the whole while thinking of ways to retaliate.  It's not revenge per say, more like - others will feel my misery.  If caught or questioned they will revert to full blown victim mode.


The Narcissist PA  (N/PA) - These people love themselves and will whine to no end until you devote your energy to them.  They are remnants of slave owner mentality.

Which one of the above are you?  Which ones surround you?

The Watcher's Notes: My Little Review - The Resistance Trilogy by Racha...

The Watcher's Notes: My Little Review - The Resistance Trilogy by Racha...:   I have become a fan of this author.  I read Amaranth (Book 1) at the beginning of this year and was hooked.  I just finished The Gate (...

My Little Review - The Resistance Trilogy by Rachael Wade

 

I have become a fan of this author.  I read Amaranth (Book 1) at the beginning of this year and was hooked.  I just finished The Gate (Book 2) and I must say my commute the last few days have been pleasant because of it.

Cam is by far one of the best characters I have read.  She is feisty yet soft, brave yet scared.  From the start you feel as though you are going through her days with her.  These books have it all, a buffet of emotions.  Hate - Love, Trust - betrayal, Greed - Generosity and much, much more.

I am a fan of vampire books and I just love it when an author puts a different spin to it.  You get witches, humans, vampires and more.

Sit back, grab these books and strap in for a hell of a ride.  You won't stay in one dimension for too long.

Get your read on and get it with Rachael Wade's Resistance Trilogy!  Bloody well written!

Here's a little something about the author - http://www.rachaelwade.com/?page_id=2

Here's how to get your copy - http://www.amazon.com/The-Gates-Resistance-Trilogy-ebook/dp/B007V3FGGM

AndMore...Oh humanity! How I love and loathe you!

AndMore...Oh humanity! How I love and loathe you!

As I stood there in the vestibule of a train that was not moving, I look at my watch.  The train should leave in 2 minutes and if I run once at the Junction stop, I will make my train and get home before 7:30pm.  I smiled.



Let's get personal
I had cramps, a migraine and I am sure I am not over the cold or virus that took over my body last week.  The tuna sandwich I had for lunch which I am sure was from last Wednesday was kicking my ass.  'Please God, get me home.'



It'a raining bodies
As if the skies opened and dropped people on the platform, swarms of humans boarded an already packed train. I was one body away from the door when a small woman squeezed in followed by 3 men.  The doors closed, I wondered what those 3 men close enough to make a human sandwich were thinking.



It's it hot in here or is it me
10 minutes later in a train that had not moved I was feeling the sweat pouring down my face, the handkerchief I used to wipe it was already drenched.  The train was off therefore there was no a/c and no air circulation, the man in front of me kept breathing mouth opened, the foul stench convincing me the animal he ate was still alive in his stomach.



It begins...humanity at it's worst
The small women now to my close left was picking her nose with vigor.  The 3 menwich were fidgeting which in turn was making them upset due to all the touching it caused.  5 more minutes passed, train still in place and the overhead announcement about a door not closing and demanding passengers not to hold the door open was heard.  A minute later my phone buzzed, an alert that the very train I was on was late due to 'a disabled train ahead'.  LIE.  I read the LIE and just said out loud LIE!!!



My dear friend... Panic
I began to feel the panic attack coming.  I focused on the 3 men, however the dry humping was just beginning to show signs of anger.  The woman was still digging and no matter how much I tried not to think about it, I couldn't help but wonder if she found something - what would she do with it?  I would just go Rambo on her ass if she thought to fling it.



Slow insanity
Man 1 of 3 told the one whose ass was rubbing his to stop moving, Man 2 huffed, Man 3 asked if Man 2 would stop moving.  I feared a full blown man rape was going to happen.  But just between us I feared the potential flying booger more.  Not far away you could others beginning to argue, the tension was rising with the heat.

Another announcement packed with lies stating the train would move once all doors were closed.  I thought to myself, why couldn't this door be open, I would jump out pushing the menwich out of my way, screaming HOSTAGE NO MORE.  But life is not so kind, that damn door was closed tight.

In the far back of the adjoining vestibule, which was just as packed, you could hear a woman's angry voice 'stop getting so close!'.  I thought to myself, what does she want? For the person to do a full blown spider man and climb to the ceiling?



Sardines or humans?
Why do people jam themselves into these trains?  Where are the boundaries?  These stations cut back trains, staff and scheduling and don't realize they are festering a pot of violence.  A violence we are charged a premium for.



Drowning in ones own sweat
As the sweat pooled down my back and I could feel my lashes melt, I heard a small voice.  A man somewhere in the midst of bodies...'I'm going to get sick'.  I know I should have just hummed, prayed or just died, but I didn't.  Instead I heard my own betraying voice 'SO HELP ME IF ANYONE THROWS UP I WILL GET APE SHIT IN HERE'.



Mercy
Nose-picker lady was trying so hard to move away, but where could she go?  It was a full 41 minutes later when the train began to move and a couple of minutes into speed that air could be felt, cool air at that.  There was a silence that removed time.  All of a sudden the doors opened and people, I included rushed out.  Some ran to connecting trains that were no longer there, others in a daze looked around for stairs that were where they always stood.  A few just stood there... breathing.  I leaned against a wall and chose that moment to pray.....'Lord, whatever I did... I atone.  I am so sorry.  This four year purgatory must end.  Have MERCY.  Have MERCY.'

I walked the walk to my connecting train that had left.  I sat and waited for the next which would take a while and in a daze I eventually got home.



I want back in the womb!
A full hour later in a fetal position still cold and wet from the freezing shower I jumped into once I got home, I thought to myself... maybe there isn't a hell, maybe this IS hell and we must work our way out.

AndMore/I learned a few things... Theft or getting over? Isn't it the same?

Sooooo......  I chat with a friend on the phone and I'll just assume she forgot I hate shopping.  Because I would hate to think she just out right didn't care.  The call was over an hour long and it went something like this.



Friend - So XYZ and I went to LMONOP department store.  I had a stack of coupons and one in particular that would give me the highest return was expired.  XYZ noticed and said 'Too bad maybe you will get another one'.  But I already knew it was expired, I just was too lazy to go before the date.  I know how the 'system' works.  Just get loud, get mad and you get what you want.

She then continued in detail to tell me how she berated the clerk, demanded for the presence of the manager and eventually got the discount.

Her justification?  (Yup, I asked) They get that money back! They rob us blind.  Any way they will do ANYTHING to make sure they don't lose a customer.


I worked in retail for many years.  It was a loss prevention guy that explained a lot to me one day and it wasn't until this call that I realized, I paid attention.


Friend, let me throw something at you and see what you think. (She said Ok)

The coupon you mentioned was from the brand, so that means the manufacturer of the over priced clothing YOU chose to shop for was receiving a discount from them.  They make up that difference to the store.  BUT, because there are 'scammers' the store must do the following:



Take inventory
Report customer complaint courtesy credit (because that is what it is, a courtesy)
Once a tally is done of 'losses' (because you rant caused just that a LOSS), they must make it up
If there are many 'customers' like you, the loss is high
That loss as well as theft, sales and clearance is eventually made up in price hikes

So.... essentially YOU are the reason they are 'robbing you blind'. It's a vicious cycle that begins with you.



I have a job that requires cutting corners, getting the best prices for cell phones for the company/university.  I work hard and long hours doing so without 'scamming'.  Because if I thought like you and became 'that' customer, I would scam carriers out of business.  Perhaps not me alone, but imagine many of me with that train of thought?  I can argue with the rest and say 'they are robbing us blind' but the reality is two wrongs don't make a right.



I personally think it's theft.  Knowingly scamming someone or a business is theft.  I am sure many corporation heads that are in jail thought they were 'getting one over' on someone too.



Friend - You know Gracey, it's just getting to a point where I can't even have a conversation with you.



I learned a few things
I lost a friend (shit this year has been rough keeping any)
My friend is a thief (just threw that in, cause I could)
It doesn't feel good defending the big companies.  It only feels good trying to make a right out of a wrong.
I really do hate shopping
Thanks to this friend (ooops, ex-friend) I really fucking hate shopping
People actually use coupons in high priced department stores (SMH)
People in this economy still shop in high priced department stores (Man, I gotta make money)
From now on I will only speak about movies, weather and music with my remaining friends

Last but not least... I really hate shopping!

I learned a few things... Bright side with a little armor

I usually write AndMore stories and end it with a list of things I learned.  I shall try something new and start with the things I learned....



I learned that.....

• No matter how hot it is and how tired you are you still have to get home
• Even when people don't wish you the best, you can still wish it for yourself
• Prayers are said for you even from a stranger
• It is when in pain and exhausted that you must smile and show strength

I walked the 10 NYC blocks to the train station only to find once I got there that I left my train tickets at work.  It was hot as hell, temperature in the 90s, I was exhausted since early morning and work had let us out a little early to beat holiday traffic.  I walked back and that 20 block walk took what was left of my energy.  The weeks of dizziness was nothing compared to the spinning world as I marched back.  I drank 2 bottles of water once I got back to work and walked back to the train station.  30 blocks later I was on my first of 3 trains and I just wanted to lay down and die.  I kept saying to myself 'you have to get home'.  I finally did even through mad holiday travelers since I was now in the midst of peak hour.

I got home and stood in a cold shower until I was no longer numb and now feeling massive pain.  Sleep would do me well.  No matter how hot it is and how tired you are you still have to get home.

Some serious changes need to occur in my life.  For the greatest reason of all, survival.  It is amazing how few would wish you well and how many would out right wish you anything but.  It is disheartening to say the least.  I learned long ago to even wish well to those that don't even deserve it.  I am diligent in wishing and praying for those I believe that do.  Not that I need well wishing, it is just nice to hear and know.  Even when people don't wish you the best, you can still wish it for yourself.

I mentioned to someone that I had set a major goal for myself, knowing they are a fervent person of prayer, I asked them to add me in their thoughts.  They instead immediately called their church which have a band of prayers (people that take turns to pray around the clock for 30 days for other people).  Imagine that!  They fervently pray for strangers.  Yes, prayers are said for you even from a stranger.

It doesn't end... a fall during a snow storm has left my knee in despair.  I am still paying for the medical cost not covered from 2 years ago, so the operation to help must wait.  A route canal that required surgery, the cost of what was not covered added to the pile, the crown must wait and the prayer that the tooth won't crack begins.  Oh and lets not forget accidentally poisoning myself.  A dizziness that is relentless, at times so strong is makes me physically sick and just the thought of adding to that not covered pile makes me just live with it.  Not to mention the racing heart.  Mother nature being the cruel psycho she can be added a touch of dehydration which apparently is even harder to recover from while it is still sweltering out.  Gotta love her energy.  It is when in pain and exhausted that you must smile and show strength.

Yes, through struggle, realization, sickness, pain and dismay I learned that one must just believe it will all turn around.  One must make the energy to focus on making those things turn around and may even need to flip some the bird while doing so.  In the end it's all about how you prepare for battle... head held high (helmet), laughter in place (armor) and positive (sword).

My little review... Beyond Hades by Luke Romyn

This book has been the hardest for me to review.  It is such a great read I feared my enthusiasm would give spoilers.  Many rewrites for this review I must confess to.

As a tremendous fan of Greek mythology I fully appreciated where the author was going with this story.  If you think you're going to get some slow time between chapters think again.  Luke Romyn takes his readers by the collar and yanks them right into the action from start to finish.

Beyond Hades takes you into time, travel and fierce danger all the while charming you with characters.  You fear with Talbot while he races with time to save mankind and swear with Wes while fighting the enemies.

This book takes you not to just one world but a few, all the while unraveling Greek mythology with a fresh new twist.

Action to the end of the read.  Heart racing and riveting.  Beyond Hades takes you to hell and back, hell again and back and you won't want to get off the ride.

I loved this book and enjoyed it thoroughly not wanting to finish too quick.  Each chapter gave me insight to well thought out characters and a plot that kept me turning the page and gasping for air along the way.

Get your read on and get it with Beyond Hades, here is how:

About the Author:   http://lukeromyn.com/

Have a peek at his site:   http://lukeromyn.com/books

I have been fortunate to read 5 star books one after the other the past couple of months, 3 in a row.  What makes it 5 star... well heck any book that makes me miss train stops, ignore calls, catch my breath and feel sadness when I realize it will end soon - has pretty much earned several stars.  Check out my reviews for the previous 5 star books.  I hope this luck in selecting fine books remains.

Stay tuned for my next read.

AndMore...The power of thank you

A long time ago I read a good book, The power of thank you by Deborah Norvill and it helped me to grow.


I remember at one time working for someone that would have issue with my emails when I used the words, thank you or please.  She would say that what I was writing for was expected and therefore no thank you or please are necessary.

I recently read a Dear Abby column where a woman writes to complain that her husband says thank you for every step of being served in a restaurant.  Including when refreshments are served.

Since I see on a daily basis the lack of gratitude I am all for the Thank you to death.

During my commute, countless times I see someone holding the door for another and the person walking through without so much as an acknowledgement let alone a thank you.  A person (rare as this happens) giving up their seat to someone and not even receiving a thank you.

Just the other day someone called me with a problem with their cell phone.  I had not heard from this person in months.  They call frantic that their cell phone does not work and that the warranty expired.  This is not someone from work.  After spending well over 30 minutes on the phone, all I got was a 'there must be a faster way to fix this'.  I said YOUR WELCOME!

I see more and more people walking about as though they are entitled.  Entitled to be as inhuman and cruel as possible without expectations of repercussion.



To the boss from long ago...  Your constant job displacement may be an indicator of your ingratitude.

To the person that wrote to the column...  You would do well to learn from your husband and be 'grateful'.  He could be one of those cheaters, beaters or worse.

To the commuters...  You're not all that!

To those that think they are entitled... You're not!


Perhaps Deborah Norvill wrote it best with - "Regard¬less of your age, religion, financial circumstances, or any other classification society might dream up, you have within you the tools to allow you to live the life of satisfaction, security, and optimism you long for. That power begins with two words: thank you." - check out her site http://dnorville.com/books.php


I even give a mental note of thank you to those that have in one way or another caused me harm...

Thank you for in doing what you did, I am stronger
Thank you for in your not loving me, I learned to love without expectations
Thank you for in your cruelty I learned to appreciated kindness

THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!  For whether in good or bad, I learn, I practice, I live and I move on.

AndMore...I gave you life so that you could live it. ~Maria Portokalosbit

Being a mother is not easy.  It never gets easy.  It gets harder as they get older.

You must educate yourself on putting your child first, inherit the animal instinct to protect your young at all cost.  Then they grow and you must for your own good and theirs ...... release, let go and let be.  It's so hard, I confess that I never not once thought of how hard it must have been for my parents to watch their daughters grow and their need to be released, let go of and let be.  Until I became a parent and it didn't happen quickly, the realization came when my son grew up and I had to release, let go and let be.


We recently went to my favorite place, a small cafe called Fine Grind.  I had not been there in many months and the last time I was there it left me with a sad memory.  I had planned to go there and just write.  Update my sites, blog, vent, write in my journal, the list goes on.  I planned to do anything but think.  However, plans changed and my son ended up going with me.

We talked about life, love and hardship.  I found myself saying things that I had wanted to say but feared I would get it wrong.  That day the words flowed with no pause, no error and plenty of love.


The only thing I did not get to say in a quote but rather in a longer way was the best and profound statement Maria gave Tula in the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, I gave you life so that you could live it.


I may not agree with some of his choices, his route with love or his manner of deciding things.  But I gave him life so he can live it.  I admire my sons ability to take the hard road and walk through it as though nothing will keep him down.  He falls and gets up without even taking the time to slap some dirt off.  He trudges on... learning as he goes.

Are you happy I ask him.  He says yes with a brilliant smile. I tell him, 'That my love is all that matters to me'.


One of my parental fears was that I would die and he would not know how to make decisions, how to get out of a jam, prevent getting into one.  Fearing his heart would be broken, etc.  But... he started out early and has done quite well in surviving.

For the first time my son asked me what my troubles were, more specifically why was I so sad.  It was the first time I spoke to him about me and my own heart ache.  He listened like a son, a friend and a person that was weighing carefully my words which were hard to speak.  When I was done, my son, my boy...my baby gave me the best advice a man could give.  And in the end... having heard my decision, why I made it and although the pain at times unbearable why I would not change it; he said..... Mom, I'm so proud of you.


I had never heard those words from him, my surprise at hearing it matched his own surprise at saying it.  It was the turning point of our relationship.  The student has become the teacher.  The one that speaks has learned to listen and the one that listens learns to speak.


We may not cook a lamb in a spit in the front lawn, have a ton of family surrounding us daily, or a love story to write of and make a screen play.  We do however have the realization that we were given life and we are living it.

Imagine...my son taught me that pride works both ways and the great feeling does too.

Remind your kids... I gave you life so you can live it.