Hello Everyone,

October 2015

I love October, not just because it is my birthday month but because the air changes, the season changes, the time changes.

It is when we must embrace the fact that the time change will have us seeing the dark sooner. A time when the trees begin to let loose the leaves, orange, brown and yellow leaves flying about.

It is the time when the ghouls and horrors are seen in decorations, shows, movies and parties.

It is the time when we say farewell to the summer heat, smile toward the cooler weather and wonder of the winter to come.

Happy October! May there be light within you to shine upon the earlier darker hours. May the ghouls and gremlins that ring the door bell make you smile and partake in trick or treat.

May you embrace the change in season knowing... it will bring us back to Spring soon enough.

I have added a tab - Whisper my words, which is a link to my site where I post stories, poems, AndMore events and the Watcher's Journal. Take a peek and enjoy.



August 05, 2010

AndMore....Court Part 5 (well.....it's called ANDMORE for a reason.....there is always MORE)

I could go on about the Purgatory bus, but I know by now you get the gist of it....................F_ck it, I will anyway. You could just scrape the dust off this bus with a scraper and mold a life size design. You can't sit even if the bus is empty because they all smell like piss. And I am convinced that f_cking Mexican driver is as high as a kite.

Monday - I won't complain. After twenty plus burglary and theft cases, it wasn’t too bad. THERE IT IS!!!! - The horror of it. When you get to a point that theft and robbery with or without weapons isn't that bad, you know you need to rethink things. I got home late, but was too happy about the 'light cases' to care. Only one car tried to pick me up while I waited for the bus. After all this time, I finally got offended. What? I don't qualify TODAY as a Prost_itute?????? WTF????

It's a good day for Linguini and Meat balls. Or; should I say it ‘was’ a good day for Linguini and meat balls, I fell asleep (after not sleeping too well thinking of court the night before) and burned the meat balls, won't even tell you about the linguini. On the bright side the smoke detector works. On the not so bright side, the fire house across the street didn't give a rat’s ass that it went off.

With peanut butter sandwich in hand, I sat down at the dining room table. When I finally stopped listening to my thoughts I realized there was moaning that could be heard. You know, I envy the hag upstairs. That BI_TCH is a grandmother and she goes at it with her husband several times a week. I still don't know what he looks like but I imagine a man with the posture of a PEACOCK! There are times she screams and speaks in TONGUE. Monday night was one of those nights. I sat there and thought - WTF? Her apartment set up is similar to mine, so they must be at it in the dining room/living room. It was endless. The pounding, the moaning, the AY DIOS MIO!!!! I almost yelled it with her a few times. You know, I feel sorry for my next husband. If he doesn't have a battery up his azz like grandpa upstairs, I'm shoving annulment papers down his f_cking throat!!!!

Tuesday - I just felt it…. the doom. The second I entered the court house, I felt it. I walked into the corridor that leads to the court room, there are the pews, there are the criminals waiting on their parole officers. There is the sign - Court in session, close the door. I walk in, put my phone in the bags they provide with our individual juror numbers.....PAUSE

PAUSE REASON - they make us turn our cell phones off and place in an envelope which they hold hostage. But, during proceedings the court staff themselves are texting. FUC_KING HYPOCRITES!!!!

END OF PAUSE - I take my seat and hear the questions bombard at me "how are you feeling today", "how was the bus", "where's your bucket of coffee", "have you seen a doctor for that cough"?????? In a perfect world my answer which rolled about my head would be:

Like SHIT, you blind MOTHERFU_CKER!
Like HELL, ride it one day and stop living through my misery. JACKAZZ!!
If you know I need coffee then go get some ASS WIPE, clearly I didn't have time to get a cup
No DUMBASS I like coughing my lungs out without medical attention

Instead I say "fine", "the same", "I'll get it later", "I plan another visit"

I then hear about their miseries. Yes, it is deathly that your $1200 refrigerator was not delivered (pampered azz). Oh my, you DO have it the worst; your car has a flat (at least you have a FUCKING CAR MORON).

One guy takes his inhaler out in preparation. That's what made me look at the list. The court leaves a list of cases on the table. Child Sex Abuse=ALL OF THEM, several pages of cases, all day - it would be CSA cases – ALL FU_CKING DAY. I just wanted to leave.

You know - this court thing has made me aware of a few things:
I think certain people should be fixed to not have children and it should be done in the same clinics as animals and without anesthesia
As much as I don't want to be there, I want to be a voice that helps those kids
The court really has no fu_cking intention of fixing that damn air conditioner
You could get used to using a bathroom that looks like an alley
Criminals sitting on pews gives one hope or despair, depending on the day
I hate with a passion most of my fellow jurors
When the bible talks of the lost city, the city of sin, it is referring to Paterson
I have more patience then I or anyone else thought
I still hope that Judge gets the worse case of diarrhea
I rather clean streets then work at SVU or as a parole officer
I'd take that Purgatory bus 10 times a day if it meant hugging even ONE of those kids

For the first time in my life, I believe in the death penalty and I want to push the button, spit on certain criminals and then push the button again, kick them all the way to the edge of a cliff, spit one more time, and heave ho them off with a kick in the AZZ

I don’t remember how I got to the bus stop, can't even remember if the Dr. Cave Adult Entertainment Club that is at the bus stop was busy. I just remember getting to my town and getting off, going home and pouring a generous amount of Tequila. I laid down on my Futon and cried for 15 kids (faceless voices) whose entire life thus far has been a nightmare and whose best case scenario of a good day was a horrific one.

The judge had said we would be released from our jury duty weeks early due to the large amount of case loads we handled (which apparently were many from another panel that had failed to live up to the jury standards). Well…..just 2 more weeks to go. Good thing too, I'm just about ready for AA meetings.


AndMore.....Week 4 - Jury Duty

Monday oh Monday, what a horrible day. I couldn't even write about it, let alone talk about it. I managed to write with a friend and try to get my spirits up, but in the end......curling up in a fetal position on the futon was all I could manage.

Yes, the Purgatory bus is what I still take in the morning. This particular Monday morning half way to Dante's Inferno 7 people got on the bus at one time. Need I say it? All Mexicans. Trust me the feeling is mutual. They can't stand the Puerto Ricans either. F EM!

Barely awake, hung over as they insisted on repeating, 4 males and 3 female. The rest of the way was my having to hear about who kicked whose azz and who will get 'dopped' (I guess dropped?) that night. I kept thinking........there goes another indictment added to our list.

Several other people got on the bus and before I knew it, it felt like 8:30 pm and not AM (Yes, the bus was late again) with all the racket.

By the 9th case, I felt my stomach lurch. I kept thinking......do they really need to give so much details? Why are people still having kids??? How can I shut that witness up? I looked around to the other jurors and noticed most were a pale green, one in particular (the one that looks 300 years old) looked as though he were going to faint. I got up and ran out to the corridor. That corridor is about 5 feet wide with pews. Those pews hold people reporting to their Parole Officers. Right smack in the middle of the two large pews is a garbage can. Honest, I was aiming for the can, since I knew I was not going to make to the ladies room at the end of the hall. But.................I didn't make it.

Several 'damn'.....'smack, she's goin to TOWN'.....'Oh hell'.........'what did she eat....' later, I realized that anything I ate in 48 hours was no longer in my system at all. I ran to the ladies room, pulled out my travel toothbrush and started brushing. In that bathroom that just looks like an alley.

The court clerk eventually came in 'that's some mess you left out there'. Her hand on my back. I glared at her.

I refused to leave the bathroom. Unbelievably, it felt better then going back to that hell. An hour later another clerk came in with tea. I said 'you're kidding right?' She smiled and said 'well then come out. Let's go to an office and you can sit.' And that's where they left me for another hour. A police man came in and said 'I was told to make sure you get home ok.'

I followed, head down, hunched shoulders. Thinking who was the smart azz that thought throwing criminals on an island to sort themselves out, was a bad idea. I gave my address and sat in the back. I sat there feeling more sick and trying not to think about all the FILTHY people that sat there. We arrived and as he opened the door, he announced "Come back tomorrow, or else". I gave him the finger...........................well in my mind I did.

I went upstairs, showered twice. Made some strong coffee and sat down in silence. A few hours later I had to give myself a mental shake. 'Come on girl, if nothing else, those victims need someone to think of them'. I poured myself a shot of Tequila and gave a silent prayer of hope that this experience would not make an alcoholic out of me. I barely slept that night at all. For the first time in a long long time, I slept or attempted to with the TV sound on and several candles lit.

The next morning I lit an incense and meditated. I woke an hour earlier just to do it. I thought of nothing but a blank canvas and all the possibilities of what I would put on that canvas. The canvas of my life.

A nice humble home. Small, comfy and welcoming. A CAR! Small, fast and bright. I painted trees with birds in flight. In my mind I painted even more. All the things I long for, all the things that bring peace to my heart. I opened my eyes and noticed the incense was done. I dressed and kept whistling the tune to The Lion King, The Mighty Jungle.

I walked out this morning and the first thing that I noticed was the beautiful morning. No humidity, a bright welcoming sun and a peaceful quiet occasionally interrupted by a passing bus. That's right, BUSES!

I saw the cranky man that owns the shoe store a few buildings down. I smiled my biggest smile "Good Morning, isn't it just beautiful?' He blinked rather quickly and responded in kind. Big smile and all. As soon as I got to the corner, the bus arrived. I thought I was dreaming. The driver was a Haitian with a sing song voice. Today several people boarded, mostly mothers with little ones. No racket just the ho hum of tiny voices.

I got to court and the metal detectors did not go off......................Nah, they did. But the officer, this time smiled. So did I. He said 'you're early!' I said....'the planets aligned and the bus was on time. Early actually.'

I guess yesterday gave cause of concern, for the cases were mild. Well, mild in comparison. We were given an extended lunch, most of which I spent returning work emails, but was able to do so quickly and eat. The rest of the day was just quick. I took the shuttle to the mall. I walked into the mall and refused to rush home.

I went to the coffee station and got a large coffee, I sat at one of the food court tables and just thought of the blank canvas. I felt something plop on my head. I reached up to investigate. BIRD SHYT. A FU_CKING bird trapped in the mall. DOZENS of people around and it SHITS on MY head. UNFU_CKINGBELIEVABLE!!!!! I close my eyes and think of a cat jumping in the air and eating that little shit. Ahhhhhh......peace again.

I go to the ladies room trying not to listen to the snickering of the low lives that witnessed the latrine treatment. Cleaned up as best as I could and began the walk out of the mall and to the end of the parking lot. An hour later the bus showed. I wasn't even upset that the bus should be running every 20 minutes.

I got home and did some work. Then it hit me. An emotional, physical and mental exhaustion that just gave me no strength. I laid down and took a nap.

So I wake up and realize that I don't have court until next week again, and I begin to breath better. (Still coughing like mad when I go into that court building).

For a moment I think of that canvas, the one that I had painted. For a second I felt negativity seep in and tell me 'it will never happen'. I shoved that thought right out! It will happen!

When you reach the bottom, there is only up. The only way to go.....UP. And if anyone thinks to give me any negative feedback to that, trust me, I saved enough strength for some serious bytch slapping!

So......in conclusion. It's still bad, I find faith and hope.......it will get better. 5 weeks to go.