Hello Everyone,

October 2015

I love October, not just because it is my birthday month but because the air changes, the season changes, the time changes.

It is when we must embrace the fact that the time change will have us seeing the dark sooner. A time when the trees begin to let loose the leaves, orange, brown and yellow leaves flying about.

It is the time when the ghouls and horrors are seen in decorations, shows, movies and parties.

It is the time when we say farewell to the summer heat, smile toward the cooler weather and wonder of the winter to come.

Happy October! May there be light within you to shine upon the earlier darker hours. May the ghouls and gremlins that ring the door bell make you smile and partake in trick or treat.

May you embrace the change in season knowing... it will bring us back to Spring soon enough.

I have added a tab - Whisper my words, which is a link to my site where I post stories, poems, AndMore events and the Watcher's Journal. Take a peek and enjoy.



May 19, 2010

AndMore....it just keeps getting better

AndMore....it just keeps getting better

Well, I finalized the Jeep or so I thought so. The auto shop didn't open until 10am due to an emergency. After waiting ALL DAY for donate ur car, they finally called at 6pm to say that they couldn't get there, the service they were using were towing cars in an accident (little did I know the pile up was in on the highway nearby and going home was not possible).

The mechanic showed me the engine and there were many pieces that just combusted. He offered an engine he had, but I am a daughter of a mechanic and know that once another (used and abused) engine is placed you are living in an auto shop. He agreed to handle the paper work with donate ur car on Monday. Donate ur car would send me a receipt in the mail.

We (my driver who must have felt like a hostage) got to my place after 10pm. She lives about an hour away and was too tired to drive home. She was nice enough on Sunday to take me food shopping and to get some things, like a shower head since mine deteriorated while she was about to shower.

I cooked and she ate and decided dinner would be swell, getting rid of her so I can have some time to digest the weekend was just NOT happening. Finally it's evening and she is trailing out and her car is now making a loud noise. Could my luck be contagious????

New shower head in place, I decide to take a shower. It just blows right out of the snout and I nearly drown. I have an old old tub so unless I want rug burns on my azz I had better get some material for the shower. Cab ride to less then 2 miles away Home Depot $15.00 (didn't help Dumb and Dumber were in that car trying to find the place - why ask me for directions?????)

It takes an hour for a cab back ($5.00 trip, this guy was getting off soon to go on a date - hate the baztad). He knew exactly where he was going.

An hour of repairing the shower, I wish I were taller. And finally a nice long hot shower.

Monday morning I get the mail and am summoned for 9 week jury duty, twice a week. Patterson! How the F am I supposed to get there?? Does my job even pay me for that? Why should I serve in the most corrupt state I have been in?????

I decide to clean the bathroom, it's morning and I hear a noise in there. I shut the sink faucet and I'll be damned if it's not the lady upstairs getting tapped so hard I thought that bed was going to crash into my bathroom.

Now....I'm not the quietest bird when the dry spell that is s_ex meets water. But this woman was speaking in tongues. Hate that By_tch! The only time I want to hear that noise is when it's coming from MY bedroom!

I get a call from my sons school, since I moved and cashed what was left of my 401K to handle the move, deposits, etc. The income tax shows that I made too much for him to receive grants like last year. WTF???? It wasn't so much that I was able to purchase a condo. They called to say that it doesn't matter what the money was used for, its income. We must apply for a loan.

I hate Mondays.

An old boyfriend (by old I mean more then a decade) emails me. He found me via Facebook but I kept ignoring his 'be my friend' request. Actually I rarely get on and when I do, I just chat with my niece. He says it's been a while (gee I would say 15 years is a while) and that he just had a thought about me. (Really???? Just like that???)

He and I broke up when after a year I asked 'where do you see this relationship going?' and he answered 'Well, just the way it is. I don't want to settle then find that something better came along.' Straight face and all. I turned - walked and never looked back. After two failed marriages he 'suddenly realized that only one person in his life ever really loved him.' I was curious so I asked 'who?'

'You.' I couldn't help but laugh. I mean really.....really????? I sat and waited for yourgomaniac azz??? You really think that???? I gave him the usual line I give people that find me after a decade or more 'I was not in the witness protection, if you haven't seen or heard from me, it's on purpose. Good luck with your life.'

I get an email that night from him. I'm sadistic enough to read it. A long diatribe of how lonely he is and how we are both single and how if I need anything he would be there and maybe I would consider just being friends or ..............here it comes........................ready?????..............Friends With Benefits (FWB). I hit delete, I blocked his account and just shook my head at how life really likes to get a giggle at my expense.

FWB? He never asked of my son, what I have been up to, just right into....hey - sounds like no one is in your bed, no one is in mine, let's fix that 'while I wait for something better to come along). Here's my take on FWB!
We are not friends. In a short span of a few written communications the most you have done is annoy me. As for FWB....I have an outlook of it and here it is:

It's like an all you can eat buffet that has minimal open hours and you get cut off while enjoying that first plateful.

It's also like watching the person in front of you sniffing and poking the food about, you have to fill your plate after them, sit down knowing that more people are sniffing and poking that all you can eat buffet (that really does not allow you to eat all you can eat).
If I were a dinosaur I would be a T-Rex. Nothing would sniff or poke my meat or they would become meat. There would be no time limit, I ate till I was full, then ate some more later. F_uck Buffets! I can cook my own dam_n meal and no one else is sticking their nose, finger or any other body part in it.
Here's my take on 'if you need anything let me know':

One day I am going to choose someone and when they say that just let it rip:

"Well.......since you asked.... I NEED:

A job close to home
College fund
A car
My knee fixed
A relationship with no hidden motives or the 'just settling' mode
A cure for panic attacks
Someone that knows how to scratch that persistent itch between my shoulder blades
A better life
A tv series that doesn't turn into a soap opera
A family that resembles Stepford
Surround sound so I can finally hear that f_ucking TV
A gyn that can remember they are going into tender (and mostly untouched) territory
An online social network system where people can't find you
Local activity for 40+ people that is not Weight Watchers
Insect free world
A psychiatrist that does home visits.......for free
Vi_brator that does not require batteries
Supermarket with parking available (after my new car appears)
Gov. Christi Kreme working in a factory
NY Police to stop searching me in the subways (I mean really.....really??? I look like a threat???)
An espresso machine that doesn't leak all over my counter
A washing machine and dryer

So....................when will you have all that done, Ms. or Mr. If you need anything call me so I can pretend I am unavailable since you should just know that I say that just to sound helpful NOT to actually be helpful!!!!!!!!!!!!????
That's my extended weekend.....how the F was yours????????

May 09, 2010

You sit and write of all the optimism you can think of.  Poetry, spirituality and even when the moment strikes emotionally.  You hit send and give many a moment of peace, all the while yearning for some.

I know the words that make sense.  Time heal all wounds.  Love and be loved.  Forgive and forget. There is always worse.  Brighter days are to come.

I know the scriptures that would apply.  Psalm 34:19 "Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all."  Romans 12:10 "Love one another with brotherly affection [as members of one family], giving precedence and showing honor to one another."  Hebrews 8:12 "For I will be merciful and gracious toward their sins and I will remember their deeds of unrighteousness no more."  Have faith and so on.

I know that belief is the power and seed that make things come to life.  But....there are those days and some lengthier then not that make me feel otherwise.

I write of healing yet know first hand that some wounds fester regardless of how you treat it.  I write of love.  Yet barely receive it.  I forgive yet watch the person/s do it all over again only worse each time.  There may always be worse but must I see first hand daily?  Brighter days may be coming, but surely these clouds are not moving.

Perhaps it's time I put the pen and ink down.  After all if you are writing of what should be and yet losing the belief in it, you may as well write in invisible ink.

Perhaps it's time to walk away.  From literally everyone.  After all, if all you have left is a small patch of flesh, a mere bit of heart and depleted soul, do you really have anything left to offer?

Perhaps it's time I became the reader of another writer.  After all, one can not write if they've forgotten how to read.

Perhaps in all this agony, loneliness, pain and misery there is a writer or a person who can either speak or hug the pain away will magically appear and give that old adage a mother tells a child 'there there now, all will be right".  And those words or hug will be the wattage that turns on my darkened belief.

~05/09/2010   ~g