Hello Everyone,

October 2015

I love October, not just because it is my birthday month but because the air changes, the season changes, the time changes.

It is when we must embrace the fact that the time change will have us seeing the dark sooner. A time when the trees begin to let loose the leaves, orange, brown and yellow leaves flying about.

It is the time when the ghouls and horrors are seen in decorations, shows, movies and parties.

It is the time when we say farewell to the summer heat, smile toward the cooler weather and wonder of the winter to come.

Happy October! May there be light within you to shine upon the earlier darker hours. May the ghouls and gremlins that ring the door bell make you smile and partake in trick or treat.

May you embrace the change in season knowing... it will bring us back to Spring soon enough.

I have added a tab - Whisper my words, which is a link to my site where I post stories, poems, AndMore events and the Watcher's Journal. Take a peek and enjoy.



May 27, 2013

AndMore... Dating, fun or nightmare? Jury is still out.

Meeting people is hard enough, throw in the added stress of dating and it's just brutal.

I've been out of the dating loop for so long I don't know if it got worse or if I am just less tolerant.  If you listen to others, it got worse.

During lunch a couple of months ago with three long time friends, I mentioned that I was ready to begin dating.  But more so, ready to make new friends.  Of the three friends one is married, another in  a long term relationship and the third had started dating a month before the lunch.  The conversation did not stay there long, we had loads more to catch up on, since our lunch is a seasonal event.

My married friend, we shall call, Katty decided that she would make herself a match-maker.  Having no skill, no real history in it.  She just up and decided I would become her personal project.  Try as I might not to take that personal, eventually this volcano erupted.  But I shall go through the story.

Her first attempt was at a dinner she threw.  The story I got was that it would be close friends.  I showed and it was couples.  The man that was supposed to be my date was as unaware of it as I was.  He was 7 years my junior.  ANYONE that knows me, would know I don't like seeing someone younger and I also don't like seeing someone much older.  I rather someone close to my own age.  Period.  Yes, I've tried the cougar effect and I raised one son already, I've no inclination of raising another.  As for older men, 5 years is the limit, anything older then that and the chances are slim of having much in common.  I have the right to be selective.  Everyone has that right.  I am not religious, therefore someone who is has even less chances.  I critical enough of myself, I don't need someone chiming in - in the name of whatever religion they belong to.

Having said that, the man was a severe born again Christian.  ELEVEN years my junior and the mentality of a 100 year old prophet.  The second I mentioned I had dropped the Born Again Christian religion years ago, he began his rant of sinners, hell and judgement.  I excused myself, said I would be right back and went home.

The friend in a long term relationship (they've been together so long, they're basically married) decided to give it her best shot.  She set me up on a blind date with her boyfriends brother.  I said no so many times I thought she had gone deaf.  I mean,  for years she referred to this guy as either a douch-bag or douch-bag in heat.  'Oh, but he has been trying to change.  He's different now.'

I don't know about that, it felt like only a couple of months since she last complained about him.  I finally said yes.  The day of the date he called to confirm.  He also called to find out if he was 'getting lucky' so he could call the cleaning lady to clean his place.  I was FLOORED.  We hadn't even met....EVER!!!  Needless to say that date never happened.

I finally did a conference call with my friends to clear some things up.  I DON'T want to be set up!!!  I want to make friends, if in the process of meeting people and making friends I find that I met a man that I would like to date, then great.

Seriously!  Setting people up isn't just meeting the requirement of introducing two single people.  If someone divorced because their spouse cheated, the last thing that person wants to do is date a cheater.  If someone is religious the last thing they want is someone that gave up on religion.  If someone is particular about certain cultures, setting them up with one is not going to change their mind.

Dating is hard enough without the 'meaning well' group that want to be the one that sets people up.  STOP IT!  No one is your personal project.  I have had some great relationships and some really bad ones.  The common factor is I met those men on my own.  Something in common triggered a start.  That it did't last may have nothing to do with having things in common or not.  Many other factors can come into play.

Plus, I can find strange people all on my own.

I went on a date with someone I had been communicating for weeks.  It was a great way to get to know someone without the pressure of 'the meet'.  We finally agreed to meet and I was surprised he looked exactly how he described.  My age, funny, great conversationialist.  He knew when to listen, to chime in and when not to.  I was having a great time..........until........he said 'I have to confess something'.  Many things ran through my head and none came close.

He had NINE kids from EIGHT women.  The ages range from 3 years old to 25.  The last five were all under the age of 10.  The shock was tremendous.  My wideass self just came out 'Seriously, put your cock in a luggage and send it on vacation'.  He took my rants welll.  I became curious of how he not only had so many but from many women and even recent.

Obviously, I won't be dating him anymore, but I made a friend.  We keep in touch often and share dating stories.

See....as I said at the start.  More so, I want to make friends.  In the process, I cringe at the next date that was postponed due to my having a horrible week.  I mean, why go out already in a down mood?  Right?

May 13, 2013

NYC Latin Style - Happy Birthday to YOU

So a few weeks ago was my friends birthday, you will remember her as the Cuban Missile.  I'm terrible at gift giving.  I hate shopping, I rarely listen when people talk about the things they like and I really throw a shit fit if someone regifts.

DINNER!  That was the plan.  Only I still don't know NY and have terrible luck when I pick a place. I asked her to pick one.  Dinner after a work and a drink or two then the commute to Jersey, that was the plan.  Obviously I forget the last time we went out.

She picked a great place that she has been going to for years, Rio Grande (I hope I got the name right), it took 1/2 an hour for me to get a cab, those can drivers really hate stopping at the upper East side.  I finally threatened asked nicely a cabby that was off duty, he actually complied.

I get to the restaurant and am amazed that it is a nice place on the East Side on 38th Street.  People were actually smiling.  The Cuban Missile was at the bar holding a rather large marguerita glass and a huge smile.  She immediately ordered me one, a Peach delight to my taste buds.  There was a long wait for a table, but hey, we laugh, talk and wait patiently.

The food in a word Heavenly.  The amount served is large enough to order one, share and still have left over to take home.  The service was just wonderful, in part due to everyone knowing the Cuban Missile.  It was great also in part because the staff were just wonderful people that were enjoying the crowd.

It was just great to not only celebrate her birthday but also to have some time with someone that can talk and listen about anything under the sun except work.  I mean... who wants to get out of work to talk about work?????

I didn't even realize the time, it didn't feel like a long time.  I told her I was going to walk to the train station, she gave me a look that said {she's fucking nuts}.

I began my walk enjoying the scenery.  After a while I thought I was lost, I asked a couple and they assured me I was going the right way.  I get to the station and look at the monitor and am surprised that it is after 11pm.  My train left 8 minutes early and once I get to Secaucus it would be another 3 hour wait.  I had to go to work the next day.

I text Marguerite that either I stayed with her or slept at the station.  She had some choice words that related to just get to her place.  I stuck my arm out and a cab immediately came to an abrupt stop.  I gave the address and said not to dilly dally that I was not a tourist and he FLOORED it.  Time span did not exist.  We got there so fast that a normal $17 cab fare was $7.  I mean when he stopped the tires screeched.

I was welcomed in and at that late hour we just went to separate bedrooms with a good nite.  It was an incredible feeling to wake up and walk 3 minutes to my job.  It just threw my day off, I was happy from the start and completely unstressed.  I tell ya that commute is a killer.

Two Latin women just having dinner in the city, drinks and laughs.  I mean....  isn't that what it's about?  Relaxing, no drama and just enjoying a great meal?  Celebrating a birthday without the stress of gift giving.  I have to say.......I have learned this very late.

May 05, 2013

NJ The good side

I really wanted a pampered day for Mother's day, only I wanted to do it on Saturday, and not the one before since everything would be packed.

However, the food poisoning from Thursday (that blog is in the works and will be posted as another segment of NYC Latin Style) left me tired and run down.  Once I got home Friday I slept and the next thing I knew it was almost 1pm Saturday.  I lost the morning and most of my intended to do.

Worse yet I had to force myself to get ready and at 6pm I decided to just get a manicure at the mall and visit my favorite spot, Ruby Tuesday.  Mango Mojito and my favorite meal would do just fine.

Mall Spa
For quite a few years I have been going to same place for my nails and pedicure.  Through my many moves that took me further away, I would end up going back so they could fix the mess a local shop made.

I walked in, I never make an appointment, they are usually fast so if I have to wait, it won't be a long wait.  The woman that normally does my nails smiled and I told her I would wait, she was tending to a customer.  The owner however sent me to a table where a new nail technician sat.  A thin man with fear in his eyes.  I told him want I wanted and sat through the process.

TWO HOURS LATER, I see that my nails are uneven and he is just taking so long, I lost the feeling to my ass.  I take deep breaths reminding myself that new workers need time, experience and patience.  Patience from customers.  The owner knew if I was unhappy I would say something, more so, he knew that I would tell the technician myself.  Which I did in low tones, nothing worse then embarrassing a new person.

He did a good job, I've had better, I've had worse.  Now it's 8pm and I had also asked for a 30 minute massage.  The woman that does the 'spa' side is actually pretty darn good with massages.

She was supposed to leave a half hour before but waiting on me and I was waiting on the new tech to stop bonding with my hands.

Thirty minutes later I was energized, the soreness to my shoulders gone and my stomach was reminding me I had not eaten all day.

I walk out of the spa and into the mall corridor to see stores shutting the lights,  I check the time 9:28 pm.

Now what?  I'm not eating dinner that late, I'm not having a drink since that would mean immediately driving.  Even with one drink, I like a couple of hours to lag before getting into a car.

Basically, I was all energetic, feeling great and nowhere to go.  I felt the pout growing by the second.  I know had some choice words for that new technician.

I drove home and poured myself a glass of wine, I splattered some jam on bread and I turned on the TV.  If it weren't for the fact that my shoulders for the first time in over a week, felt so good..... I would have gotten totally depressed.

It's Saturday, not even 10:30 pm, the week before Mother's day and the best I could come up with was going to bed early.  I won't even venture out next week.

At least I have really nice looking nails and a stronger back........  that's the bright side....... right?

May 03, 2013

NYC Latin Style..... Revisiting the past to enjoy the present

NYC Latin Style - Revisiting the past to enjoy the present

It is a shame that I have spent 5 years commuting to this island and dreading it.  I am taking a new approach, one of childlike wonder.  I don't rush to the train station after work, rather I walk the close to 3 miles.  I take different routes each time, finding new views and appreciating the surroundings.

There are several restaurants, bars and shops I now plan to visit.  I map out the summer agenda while I walk around, half trying to find the NJ Path station and half hoping I don't so I can keep looking around.  The Spring chill allows me to find these places while the weather is bearable.

Tonight I wanted to visit my favorite shop.  But first.... a bit of the past

My goodness how the two decades have passed...
When I was in my early 20s I worked in the city.  The New York Hilton and Executive Towers in midtown.  I made many friends since I worked any shift available. As a Front desk clerk you to met the world, one guest at a time, one check in at a time.

Single and with time to spare, I never rushed home, plenty trains or buses day or night available to take me home (commuting was much different at that time).  At the time Hoboken was my home and it was actually affordable.  Everyone knew everyone and life there was pleasant and friendly.  Before the condos and Brownstone status that is.

Once I got married my husband at the time and I both worked in the city, we practically lived there and slept in Hoboken, it was difficult trying to extinguish what was our home state.  When I was pregnant I knew that I would not work in the city, I wanted to be close to my child and in the same state.  Not soon after giving birth I found a job in New Jersey.

Little did I know that life's path would not only keep me from a city I grew to love but also make us strangers for a couple of decades plus some years.

A divorce, severe career change and single parenting would make me live in a safe and quiet town in NJ.  That safety would become my habitual living.  Once my son grew to live his own life, I found myself finding a job in NYC.  I resentfully took it as the recession had hit hard and there were no other choices.  The commute was nothing like the past nor was the city or anything in it.

For 5 years I spent my time trying to get out like a prisoner sentenced to life and determined to escape.  Until.... a Latin style night with friends that taught me to LIVE.

You see... that safety had become a mundane life.  That quietness my routine.  I love the state I live in, but I hate my lifeless life.

Back to the present:
Tonight I ventured out to that store that decades later I still visit.  Incense... that will make me travel at night not caring what time I get home.  Incense, dipped in real essential oils.  I can't see myself starting or ending a day without lighting a good incense to Zen me out.  A co-worker has gone with me a couple of times before and we began a routine.  Head downtown and stop for a Guinness, go to the store and shop.  Eat a light dinner and stop for coffee.  We usually say our goodnights at a corner where she turns one way to head further into NY and to another borough and I struggle to find the Path Station because I have the gift of never knowing where I am.

Tonight was no different, with the exception that I didn't care if I was lost.  I wanted to savor the Village and walk through memory lane.  Mercer Street, always some quaint shops and bizarre bars.  MacDougal where a man was pretty much mouth to mouth kissing a ferret in his duffel bag.  Yup, the strangeness on that street hasn't changed.  I stopped at a market and bought a bouquet of flowers.  I used to do that a lot.  Buy fresh flowers for the dining room table, I can't even remember when I stopped doing that.  Lavender bouquet was tonights choice. I eventually found the Path and headed to Hoboken where my train home would start its trip.

I should be home at 930 and I sit in the train writing this blog, knowing that my NYC wandering has only just begun.  I reluctantly headed home.  I can't believe I not only just wrote that but meant it.  I really wanted to keep walking around but tomorrow is another work day and after 11pm, finding a way to commute home is near impossible.

Perhaps with a new attitude, a child like wonderment and a goal for a fun summer will help  me to find the love I once had for this city.  Help me to both appreciate its wonder and embrace the fact that if I am still here, then life has something in store for me.  This time I shall listen and smile.

Even though I am cringing at the guy sitting next to me blowing his nose into his bare hands, I have absolutely no regret on staying an additional 5 hours in the city, 2 of which wandering around.  

Five more stops to go.