'Get the message. What is your situation showing you? To get the message is to turn your questions or what you think you know into understanding that you can apply. There are no wrong answers; the goal is not to be right but to be clear.' ~The Next Step deck by Dr. M.
Someone said something recently that hit me like a ton of bricks. Irony is that it shouldn't have surprised me but it did. Cruelty is I needed to hear it. Life is I hated hearing it. I laid in bed for an entire night......numb. I got up and it literally took me 4 hours to get to work thanks to accidents on the road. I rushed through obstacles all the way there and still I was emotionally numb. Then the next day an emergency came up and I took off from work. Later that evening when I had some time to myself I decided that waiting on the opportune time to meet with anyone for dinner and wine would be another year in wait. So I took myself to dinner, a nice restaurant and had a petite sirloin, mashed potatoes and grilled green beans, a very large glass of wine. I'm not driving so I asked for the largest glass they had (yes, wine comes in different glass sizes).
I sat there waiting for dinner, sipping my wine and I took out the deck of cards from the The Next Step deck. Feeling at my lowest point EVER. Nothing at all going right in my life except breathing and even that is labored through restrained tears. I shuffle the cards while other nosey patrons watch, I turn one over and it's the above card. The tears I held back for days come down. 'I get it. I get the message and I will do whatever it takes to accept it and get past it.' Dinner arrives and I eat it with a slowness that reminds me of a child forced to eat. But while I ate I thought to myself.....'how do I let things get this far?', that's when I took out my notebook and began to write, it was 2 hours later when the waitress walked over and asked if I wanted desert. 'No, let the sourness stay for a few moments longer, I'll just have the check please.' There was no check, the manager gave me the dinner for free along with a cheesecake to go.....too numb to show the appreciation I truly felt, I merely smiled and said thank you and ran to catch the bus.
Note to self: (soon after looking in the mirror) Get water proof mascara.
You rolled right out of my eye, down my cheek and to the wooden table
you shined like a round rain drop, a tear - single and alone
Within it I saw me, I was happy, I was me
I look so young, vibrant, alive
I see the storm roll in, I'm frightened and cuddle to the ground
finally rose with a sadness too profound
Within it I see me, looking, searching, exhausted
I look so desperate, confused, alone
You rolled right out of my eye, down my cheek to reveal
I see, I ask, I am clear...acceptance come to me.
~are you asking, accepting and clear?
I love October, not just because it is my birthday month but because the air changes, the season changes, the time changes.
It is when we must embrace the fact that the time change will have us seeing the dark sooner. A time when the trees begin to let loose the leaves, orange, brown and yellow leaves flying about.
It is the time when the ghouls and horrors are seen in decorations, shows, movies and parties.
It is the time when we say farewell to the summer heat, smile toward the cooler weather and wonder of the winter to come.
Happy October! May there be light within you to shine upon the earlier darker hours. May the ghouls and gremlins that ring the door bell make you smile and partake in trick or treat.
May you embrace the change in season knowing... it will bring us back to Spring soon enough.
I have added a tab - Whisper my words, which is a link to my site where I post stories, poems, AndMore events and the Watcher's Journal. Take a peek and enjoy.