So.....here I am at 11:00 pm watching for the second consecutive time, The Holiday. Recently I've not only grown attached to the words Iris writes to Jasper, but can relate.
"Jasper, we both know I need to fall out of love with you. Would be great if you would let me try."
Her opening speech speaks of all types of love and her specialty was unrequited love. Boy did she nail that description to the T. But before I begin with that movie, my day started pretty late. I woke to begin my Sunday ritual of a few hours watching classics. Truly those movies are worth mentioning, no FX, so sex to see, just actors actually proving each and every emotion, plot and capturing an audience with nothing else but talent.
'How to Marry a Millionaire'. I find the comedy in that refreshing - every time. Lauren Bacall at her youngest, enthusiastic self. A story of three women on the prowl for millionaire men to marry. Short version, they find millionaires but instead fall in love with men beneath their dreams. Well, for the exception of Lauren who falls in love with a man she thinks works in a gas station, but is in fact a millionaire. Many lessons were learned (the hard way) but with comedy and flare you cheered them on while they learned. You smile as the credits appear knowing you watched something with a bit of a lesson in it. Such as....be careful of what you ask for..... don't judge a book by its cover..... take the time to actually read a book regardless of its cover.
Next was Gentlemen prefer blondes (another with Marilyn Monroe), this one takes a bit to watch as Marilyn was not a good actress but she gave a stellar try. Her role was similar to the previous movie, still looking for a rich man, she does fall in love and marry one, but must prove herself worthy and you are left stunned that she actually manages to. Jane Russell on the other hand, just likes to have fun but falls in love kicking and screaming all the way, ever the rebel her character. But if you pay attention, you learn much from this one as well.
As a parent you learn to let your child (adult that they are) make their mistakes. You learn that not everything is as it appears and some things are actually just as they appear. You learn that old rich men, really just want that young thing and make fools of themselves in the process. Yes... much can be learned if you pay attention to the plot and the details.
I ran some errands and was much surprised to see at the mall many couples, families and children. Smiles and hugs, gifts and laughter made me think that it has been a long, long time since such happiness was seen in public. I went to the makeup section and was given a makeover. I sat there as she asked....what are your plans for valentines?
I smiled and said, "I am actually living it right now….a treat for myself. Then it's off to do some chores." Much to my surprise, she did not do the norm....there was no pity party. She began to chatter of how great she thought it was for me to think of myself first then the chores. The makeover was wonderful; it felt great to be pampered. I bought some items (proof she was good at her job) and was trapped in the mall when even more people showed. Not much of a shopper I maneuvered my way out pouting that I could not stop at Starbucks. Instead of waiting on that line, I chose to go home and make my own. Having seen the Laundromat full when I past I knew I would just go home and handle my chores tomorrow since I had the day off.
And so a great disappointment later from the usual miscommunication (when will I ever learn), I found myself pouring a glass of wine and fighting that foe, Ms. Self Pity. The Holiday movie came on and wheels began to turn.
Again, what she wrote striking a nerve immediately.
"Jasper, we both know I need to fall out of love with you. Would be great if you would let me try."
"This - This twisted, toxic THING between us, is finally finished! I'm miraculously done being in love with you! Ha! I've got a life to start living. "
"And you're not going to be in it."
"But I think what I've got is something slightly resembling, gumption"
And...there it is….the last line. Gumption!!! I can write the goodbyes, speak of strength and plan on moving on. But without gumption you just end up.....
".....feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door."
I was waiting for gumption as if it were on sale somewhere or on a corner with a sign. Maybe up in the sky and would fall right on me. Silly really.
But......Hollywood classics made it clear today, gumption has not failed to arrive, I fail to see it within me and make it rise.
Who doesn't want to hear what Graham spoke to Amanda.....?”I'm in love with you. I apologize for the blunt delivery, but as problematic as this fact may be, I'm in love... with YOU."
But after so many years and still in the same boat less a life preserver, Captain, oars or even the love pining over......I realize that I'm waiting for a Jasper to be a Graham when I should be waiting on nothing and no one while participating in my destiny. I shouldn't throw myself into the preferences of others or grasp for the ideals that don't match my own.
More importantly, Iris got away. She up and left taking the time to find herself. I may not be so fortunate to find someone in another country to swap homes with for a spell. But I am sure I can create that same ocean of a divider with a little…………..gumption.
Yes....Sunday classics are my favorite. Where I can watch from the old movies what some of us still haven't learned and need the reminder of.
~g
