Sometimes life is so hard, rough and painful. But...there are those moments when the sun peeks in and reminds you that you are alive.
I have had many losses in the last few years. Father, family, friends, lover and hope. Death is not the only loss, at least when my father died I knew that there was no way I would see him again. I had to each day even today remind myself that the memories are all I have. The loss of people out of your life is different, you know they are out there living. You know that they are not a part of your life and perhaps it is best. That still doesn't mean you don't go through the mourning process. The same five steps can apply to the living.
Denial and Isolation
You wonder who went wrong, what went wrong. If you know what and who went wrong you wonder why you didn't stop it. You lose a part of yourself and in the process you lose the trust you had in your own judgement. You deny that it is for the best or a mistake, you deny that things can change and you isolate yourself. Since I was already in this phase when Dad died, I just stayed there when everyone else went their way.
Anger
How can you not get angry at all the wasted time? Angry about the situation, the result and fact that you won't see or speak with that person. And that person is alive and well.
Bargaining
You tell yourself there are other fish in the sea. Family don't have to be blood. Love can happen again. Deep within you really don't believe it. You bargain that it may be so.
Depression
This one is rough. Few people understand depression, some are ignorant enough to believe it is a non existent condition. Well, POO to them. I know it exists, for years it was my only true and constant companion.
Acceptance
Finally, you realize what will be - will be. Dad won't come back. Mom won't change. Sis and I will never get along and just because you are a friend to someone, it doesn't mean they are a friend to you. You can love someone and they can shun that love, hurt you and walk away with a smile as if they did you a favor. You accept that this can and did happen and you finally....see the sun peek at you and you wink.
Friends come in all shapes and paths
An unlikely person handed me a book. Anger by Thich Naht Hanh. The profound effect this book has had on me is indescribable. It shattered the wall and ceiling of rose tinted glass. It just burst the sun right in. I heard the angelic song of hope. Faith embraced me and I smiled from my core to my lips.
A friend moved East, a pen pal whose kindness always came on a screen prompt. He visited me on a day when even the book could not help me from the malice of others. We went to lunch and two like minded people ate, talked and laughed. The healing that I felt in that afternoon was like the sweet scent of summer carried on a warm welcoming wind.
I have embraced death in all its facets. I now face life and with wonder await it's surprises. I long for it's hope and cherish the new found faith it sends as a courier.
So....have a little faith and throw in some hope.
I have had many losses in the last few years. Father, family, friends, lover and hope. Death is not the only loss, at least when my father died I knew that there was no way I would see him again. I had to each day even today remind myself that the memories are all I have. The loss of people out of your life is different, you know they are out there living. You know that they are not a part of your life and perhaps it is best. That still doesn't mean you don't go through the mourning process. The same five steps can apply to the living.
Denial and Isolation
You wonder who went wrong, what went wrong. If you know what and who went wrong you wonder why you didn't stop it. You lose a part of yourself and in the process you lose the trust you had in your own judgement. You deny that it is for the best or a mistake, you deny that things can change and you isolate yourself. Since I was already in this phase when Dad died, I just stayed there when everyone else went their way.
Anger
How can you not get angry at all the wasted time? Angry about the situation, the result and fact that you won't see or speak with that person. And that person is alive and well.
Bargaining
You tell yourself there are other fish in the sea. Family don't have to be blood. Love can happen again. Deep within you really don't believe it. You bargain that it may be so.
Depression
This one is rough. Few people understand depression, some are ignorant enough to believe it is a non existent condition. Well, POO to them. I know it exists, for years it was my only true and constant companion.
Acceptance
Finally, you realize what will be - will be. Dad won't come back. Mom won't change. Sis and I will never get along and just because you are a friend to someone, it doesn't mean they are a friend to you. You can love someone and they can shun that love, hurt you and walk away with a smile as if they did you a favor. You accept that this can and did happen and you finally....see the sun peek at you and you wink.
Friends come in all shapes and paths
An unlikely person handed me a book. Anger by Thich Naht Hanh. The profound effect this book has had on me is indescribable. It shattered the wall and ceiling of rose tinted glass. It just burst the sun right in. I heard the angelic song of hope. Faith embraced me and I smiled from my core to my lips.
A friend moved East, a pen pal whose kindness always came on a screen prompt. He visited me on a day when even the book could not help me from the malice of others. We went to lunch and two like minded people ate, talked and laughed. The healing that I felt in that afternoon was like the sweet scent of summer carried on a warm welcoming wind.
I have embraced death in all its facets. I now face life and with wonder await it's surprises. I long for it's hope and cherish the new found faith it sends as a courier.
So....have a little faith and throw in some hope.
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