I have been allowing the serenity prayer to marinade in my brain....
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.
It is in reading this in reverse that I have found it the best way to understand. The wisdom to know the difference.....
I have spent the better part of two weeks thinking. When ones life is completely in chaos one must stop, listen and breath.
My breath caught up to me in the place it always does.....the mountains. It took so long to get there, the commute exhausts me. Two days in a weekend goes like two hours. Thanks to the holiday I had two days to rest and two days to get to Serenity and come to peace.
Talking to my Uncle and Aunt does something for me. Allows me to hear my own voice. These days one can't have a conversation without interruption. There...I can talk, repeat and recycle until I understand....me.
I understood what I already knew I just understood further. I understood that it was time to take action. If my life were a pie half would be commute and work. A quarter would be family and the last quarter would be a monotonous occurrence. Something that doesn't change no matter the hope or belief. Something that I allow even though no one should.
So there I have it. I know where the difference is and it is long past time that I make a change and relieve some of life's stress and turmoil.
I can't change family, they are for keeps, what I can change is how much I allow. This is a good acceptance and I have been working on it. It's not enough to remove chaos.
I can't change my commute, no matter where I move it's the same hell. If I leave Jersey again it will be to a year long warmer climate state. Economically this isn't the time. I can't change or control this yet.
The pie leaves me with the last quarter. This I can change, this I can control. This will give me a quarter of my life where for a while it will hurt, it will despair me but there will be hope that it will become a quarter filled. Filled with something that is mundane, a monotonous occurrence or momentary respite.
One quarter hope. One quarter faith. One quarter relief. That's a whole lot more then I have had in the last 3 years.
I accept the things I can not change (and hope and have faith that in time it will).
I have the courage to change the things I can (and know that the pain will ease as it should).
I have the wisdom to know the difference (and that was a long time coming).
Letting go, letting be, letting me. That is my new mantra.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.
It is in reading this in reverse that I have found it the best way to understand. The wisdom to know the difference.....
I have spent the better part of two weeks thinking. When ones life is completely in chaos one must stop, listen and breath.
My breath caught up to me in the place it always does.....the mountains. It took so long to get there, the commute exhausts me. Two days in a weekend goes like two hours. Thanks to the holiday I had two days to rest and two days to get to Serenity and come to peace.
Talking to my Uncle and Aunt does something for me. Allows me to hear my own voice. These days one can't have a conversation without interruption. There...I can talk, repeat and recycle until I understand....me.
I understood what I already knew I just understood further. I understood that it was time to take action. If my life were a pie half would be commute and work. A quarter would be family and the last quarter would be a monotonous occurrence. Something that doesn't change no matter the hope or belief. Something that I allow even though no one should.
So there I have it. I know where the difference is and it is long past time that I make a change and relieve some of life's stress and turmoil.
I can't change family, they are for keeps, what I can change is how much I allow. This is a good acceptance and I have been working on it. It's not enough to remove chaos.
I can't change my commute, no matter where I move it's the same hell. If I leave Jersey again it will be to a year long warmer climate state. Economically this isn't the time. I can't change or control this yet.
The pie leaves me with the last quarter. This I can change, this I can control. This will give me a quarter of my life where for a while it will hurt, it will despair me but there will be hope that it will become a quarter filled. Filled with something that is mundane, a monotonous occurrence or momentary respite.
One quarter hope. One quarter faith. One quarter relief. That's a whole lot more then I have had in the last 3 years.
I accept the things I can not change (and hope and have faith that in time it will).
I have the courage to change the things I can (and know that the pain will ease as it should).
I have the wisdom to know the difference (and that was a long time coming).
Letting go, letting be, letting me. That is my new mantra.
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