AndMore...The hunt for a key, Cujo kitty, the Firemen are coming

Initially Thanksgiving started pretty bad or at least the day before.  I went home with a migraine and just about given up with humanity.

In the late evening I went outside with a cup of coffee and a cigarette.  Time to relax and try to think of nothing and no one.

A beautiful little kitten was about 10 feet away.  The sweetest little purr could be heard.  He would wind about rubbing along the edge of the concrete stair from the house next door.  Clearly showing his discontent about the lack of affection.  I spent several minutes puckering up making the kiss kiss sound, a few hushed pssssssst while extending my hand.  He just teased taking a step then stopping, giving that slight sweet purr.  Eventually he came right up to me, I was sitting on the concrete stoop, extending my hand further so he could take a friendly whiff............when...........FUCKING CUJO came out of that kitten.  HISSING and SNARLING, swatting with extended CLAWS.  WHAT THE FUCK??????

I'm not ashamed to admit I picked up my cup and ran up the stairs, slamming the hallway door shut while out of breath.  The FUCKING MANIAC CAT was still out there HISSING.  BASTARD!!!

The next day was calm enough for a Thanksgiving, I treated myself to a matinee - TWILIGHT!!! Now that just perked me for the day.

FRIDAY - I visited my sister and in the evening she packed some food for me to take home.  I put the food in the car along with my purse and turned on the car to warm it up a bit.  I went back for a piece of cake that I forgot on the counter.  I walked to the car only to find I had locked it...with the car on...and all my things in it.  PAUSE...

PAUSE REASON - I have a Chevy Aveo, my recommendation to anyone is to NEVER get a Chevy Aveo.  The parts are from Mars.  It took 9 months to get a mirror to replace the cracked one (damn hooker) from the driver side.  NO ONE had the mirror, maybe the model from the  year before or after but not the 2009.  Well...try getting a fucking spare key for that car.  The car has an automatic transmission, anything else automatic stops there.  The key is not electronic, nor does it have any chip.  It is just a key.  Apparently locksmiths, Lowe's, Walmart and a ton of other places do not have the blank key to make a spare.  The dealer wants $125...for a key....for a FUCKING key.  END OF PAUSE

I panic, I have no spare, low gas and no way to get in.  I haven't renewed the AAA (was waiting on the new year, thank you recession).  I was seriously contemplating breaking a back window and asked my sister 'how much do you think that will cost?'  It's Black Friday and no 24 hour service available in the area.  I call a friend, for some reason he always has an answer and if not he has a way of calming my madness.  He said to call the police but not to dial 911.  PAUSE

PAUSE REASON - POLICE?????  Anyone who has read my writings for the past few years know I have a bad history with police.  Not that I am a criminal but I just don't have the best luck with interacting with them.  But... I need to get in my car.  END OF PAUSE

I suck in my cowardice at calling, straighten my back and I hand my sister her phone back (mine is in the locked car) and ask her to call (grins).  The police transfer her to the Fire Department as they are equipped to get into cars.

A few minutes later we hear the rumblings of a truck.  My sister says in a hushed voice 'oh shit, they are coming with the large fire truck.'  I say 'For my little car?'  Coming down the quiet, dark street is a rather large fire truck...loudly coming closer.

FIVE fire men get out of the truck and open all kinds of doors and panels.  One of them Le Captain I presume, walks over hands in pockets. "Oh, AND the car is on.' To which I replied....'well I wanted to warm up the car, it's really warm now, can you open it?' (See why it's not a good idea for me to call the cops?)

They come close to the car with a red slim bag about 4 feet long.  I think to myself...well if they are going to crack the glass, I could have done that myself.  Four of them surround the car, the fifth went back to the truck.  The project begins, one slides apart the rubber foam from the window while the other removed a long wiry thing with a loop at the bottom.  I notice they are trying to get the loop around the inside door handle.  The knob on the button has no way to grab hold of it, it is just a straight up knob, so they go for the inner door handle.

'Are you trying to pull the door handle?'  They look at me as if I were a DUMBASS, the Captain who is closest to me says 'Yes, we 'are' trying to open the door for you'.

'Oh, well, the car is manual, pulling on that won't open the door.  The only thing automatic about the car is the driver.'....................................took several seconds, then they grinned.  One of them then declared it impossible to open the car.  The one with the wiry hook wouldn't give up.  FINALLY, the door is opened and I am jumping up and down happy.

'Mam, I will need your name for our report.'

'Well, will you be posting to YouTube, if so then I will give you her name (pointing to my sister)'.  He grins and says 'No, it won't be on YouTube.'  I tell him my name...well the short version.  As he is walking away he turns and grins 'You can start checking Youtube tomorrow'.  I stopped grinning back.

I drove home the whole while thinking....I have to get a FUCKING spare key for this car!!!!!!

Despicable they...May there be gratitude

I know, I know... it's the day before Thanksgiving, but perhaps this list will remind some to be grateful if nothing else than for not being one of them.  We'll do it in categories

Personal group
I'm here for you


You know this type, they say it because it sounds nice, but if they do mean it and they rarely do, there's a motive.  The price will be somewhere along your morals or sanity.

I'm your friend (always stated after they did something wrong to you) - see pic above
This type doesn't know how to be a friend, probably doesn't know what it means.  They just want you to think you mistook their obvious malice for.....obvious malice.

I understand...I know exactly what you mean

This person did not hear a thing you said.  They heard words here and there and decided it was time to make it about themselves.  Because being an eternal victim is the best job they ever had.

(The one that goes missing for weeks on end, then shows up like they say you an hour ago)

This person just wants something...cash, sex, to borrow something or to have a few moments of feeling good about themselves.  That moment they showed up has nothing to do with you.

I don't have a drinking problem

These people have empty bottles all over the place.  They deny having an issue while wobbling to their car.  They usually laugh at those that care on Facebook because they don't have a drinking problem, everyone is just crazy.  They also scam, lie, cheat their way through life thinking everyone owes them something.  Greatest backstabbers you will ever meet.  They also live the life of eternal victims.

The strangers group
Straphanger

They run into the train, pummeling all in their way because yet again they are running late, they hold the train doors open which causes more delays.  They then smile the brightest 'I'm here' smile to everyone.  I would love to touch these people with a cattle prod.

The not so homeless

These are the ones that are dressed better then you with a prepared speech on how their lives are a mess, broke, hungry (usually weigh more then you) and are terribly hurt to have to bother and beg.  They even say they will take food but frown when someone actually gives them food.

Workers

The ones that took the mandatory Psych 101 class and feel they are the Counselor for everyone.  Usually think they are better then everyone including God as they rarely believe he exists.  They long for conversation but when they have one they feel the need to abruptly end it wanting to be alone with mock pride.  I would like to touch these people with  TWO cattle prods

The one that complains endlessly about their job, they are usually paid well and do nothing...but complain that is.

Animals

I don't give a rats ass what PETA person reads this but if I ever find the Pigeon lady that throws buckets of crumbs and I do mean BUCKETS along the streets, making those rats with wings attack anyone that is walking along that street, I am SHOVING THE CATTLE PROD UP HER ASS.

The dog walker that still gets bothered when people are smoking.  It's been 3 years GET OVER IT.

Closing

If I had to be grateful for something and I always am grateful for something, today it would be the fact that I am not any of the above.  I would just cattle prod myself to death.

AndMore...Can I have a door?

About a month ago I had told my boss I wanted a door for my cube.  Tired of people just walking right on in while you are on the phone or in the middle of a thought for an email.  I was thinking of something like this:


The discussion was brief with my stating the door should have a slit for the extension of my desk, so it could open easily.

A month later.....Oh wait...there's a bit to add within that time frame.

Patient Zero


I developed a bit of a cold.  I went to the Dr. and was assured I can go back to work and just take some antibiotics for the sinus infection I also developed.  The next day (Tuesday) I went to work, by the afternoon I felt like death.  The cold worsened, the sinus worsened, I worsened.  I ended up taking the following two days off.

Can I have a WUSS WUSS

My co-workers like front line amateur soldiers began to fall.  One serious cold after another.  Blaming ME and dubbing me Patient Zero.  WUSSES all of THEM!

Personal stuff

Outside of work what could go wrong has gone wrong.  Name it and it has fallen apart.  I haven't the strength or the stomach to tackle any of it.

Commuting through the eighth circle of hell

3 trains and a total of 22 block walk each way doesn't have an improvement in sight.  Hostile commuters, delays, protesters, homeless.....oh wait....can't NOT share this one...

My child's last bottle of milk

On the R train a man with a stroller and a child about the age of 1 gets into the already packed train.  He begins to speak loudly "I apologize for the interruption, but this is my son and we are hungry.  I have not eaten in 20 hours and he is drinking his last bottle of milk".  People stood yelling "HERE, HERE" throwing cash, food and change when they couldn't reach him.  I missed my exit and had to stay on the train and re-route my way back.  I am not heartless, I just can't seem to release the vision of the $300 stroller, name brand diaper bag (with extra filled bottles) or his expensive wardrobe, than again who am I to judge.

back to eighth circle of hell...
This daily commute drains me.  In the morning I am drained by the time I get to the front gate at work.  At the end of the day I am drained and if I have an errand I must talk myself through the exhaustion and mantra myself to get the errand done without falling on my face.

This morning I get to work and this is what waits for me - my cube

Can't say my boss doesn't listen; he hand crafted this door from boxes, tape, print outs and effort.  The damn thing even has a slit and hinge effect.  Gotta love the effort.  The endless parading of co-workers and higher ups no less, making knocking sounds, using their devices to produce doorbell sounds (notice the doorbell on left) was priceless.


This is what does it for me.  Serenity!


This is what gets me through the eighth circle of hell commute, the hassles life throws me, the disappointments and horror people tend to impose and most of all...life.

Knowing that at the end of my morning trip I get to wonder what my boys are up to just perks me up.  The fact that I work in a place (lately) that no matter the horrors outside of the gate, humor is shared.... is PRICELESS.  I can forget my personal woes for a spell.  I can handle the stress the job brings, I can even forget for moments the commute knowing that Quarantine, Bloodboy, Waterford, Shrek (yes, I've named them) and the rest of the people at work have moments to spare to just give a laugh.  And in the most sadistic form provide a request for a door.

I don't know about you but I'll take the crazy door every single time.

Do you have a door waiting at the end of your eighth circle of hell?  Well...you can't have mine, get someone to build one for you!

AndMore...No greater enemy

There are times I truly believe there is no greater enemy to me then me.

Most of you have read the stories of accidental pain inflicted on myself.  For many years I was convinced my obituary would say 'died of accidental suicide'.

Well...let's get this over with

Scrappy nose
I have a terrible cold, the worst of it has passed but some of the congestion remains.  At one point for a few days I had the drips.  A constant flow to the nose that made me wonder why they haven't invented a tissue that you stuff up there and it continuously absorbs.  All the blowing of the nose left it scabby and/or peeling.

I went to upstate this weekend, a long overdue trip of just pure serene medicinal healing.  My uncle immediately noticed my nose and went into his McGyver mode.  He brought back an ointment, this thing is MAGIC.  I forgot the name but it sort of has the tingling of Vicks.  I put some on my nose and within hours the scaly effect was gone, a scab was healing.  MAGIC!  The next day my aunt and I were planning a small trip to a quaint town.  I mentioned how well the ointment worked and she suggested I put some more on.  I did.

It was time to get ready so I got my contacts (blind as a bat I am).  PAUSE

I have been wearing contacts for decades.  The rule of thumb is to always wash your hands.  But I had just taken a shower.  END OF PAUSE

I grab the contact for the right eye with my middle finger the way I always do, making sure to wet the finger well with the contact solution in the case.  I put the contact in and I felt a cool breeze in my eye...then...THE WORST FUCKING PAIN I EVER FELT.  FIRE!!! It felt as though a fire was lit on my eyeball.  The ointment on my hand!!!!  I tried to be silent and not let my aunt know what a Baboon I was.  I kept hearing the scream in my head FUCKING OW OW OW OW!!!!  SWEET JESUS, MARY AND JOSEPH WHY DO YOU LEAVE ME ALONE WITH MYSELF????????

With a small voice I commented "I amaze myself sometimes'.  My aunt looked at me and saw the stress in my eyeball...the truth is out.  You would think that was the end of the story...but....

I washed my hands took out the contacts rinsed it and started again, got it right and the left one too.  Now for makeup.  I put some moisturizer on my hands and began to put it on my face, rubbing it all on...all...over...my...face......  THE WORST FUCKING PAIN WAS BACK!!!!  SWEET JESUS, MARY AND JOSEPH the ointment on my nose is now all over my face and eyes.  FUCKING GREAT JUST FUCKING GREAT!!!!!  My aunt looks toward me to make sure all is ok, I gave the best smile I could muster and when she turned around I put my face in hands in utter disgust.

PLEASE...PLEASE...UNIVERSE!!! MAKE THE BURNING STOP!!!!!  It took some time but it did.  I put on a tad of mascara and left the rest to faith.  I brushed my hair the whole time thinking... WHY????

WHY??? I had just gotten over the razor pain!

Razor pain - note to self, don't shower without contacts on and attempt to shave.  I have cuts on legs and arm pits that would require several layers of neosporin after a strong dose of benadryl.  Come to think of it the mantra I had in the shower was similar 'OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS THAT WAS FLESH!!!!! FUCKING GREAT JUST GREAT!!!  And yet... I kept shaving.....

Who is my greatest enemy? Could it really be me?????