Let's talk interviews and it's pet peeves
You see all these articles on LinkedIn, FB and blogs on how to land an interview, what to say at an interview and not to say....the list goes on.
My pet peeves are four questions from an interviewer:
1. If you were a tree which would you be?
2. If you were an animal which would you be?
3. Why do you want this job?
4. Why are you leaving your present job?
Let's play - In a perfect world! You know, where no matter what you did or said a good outcome was found. In this perfect world one could answer in a manner that would end those stupid questions and you still get the job.
Let me show some examples.
Interviewer: If you were a tree which would you be?
Interviewee: I wouldn't want to be a tree! I mean what the fuck for? You keep growing to the point of a nose bleed, on some seasons a woodpecker pecks the shit out of your ass, squirrels crap on you, birds lay eggs on you. Have you seen newly laid eggs? It's got sticky shit on it! Your gnarly hand roots are growing in dirt wrapping itself around ancient rocks in agony that you can't go anywhere. For hundreds of fucking years!
No! I rather be that wild weed that grows everywhere...I mean it's about team work, right? Just grow right in with different plant species and take over! Grow around them and keep them in line. Weed man! Fuck the tree!
Interviewer: If you were an animal which would you be?
Interviewee: Well, not an eagle, I mean they eat mice YOU want eat mice all your life? You want to be that fucking bird that grabbed the newly born kitten, flying off with it while it's mother cries out an agonizing meow?
Not a lion or panther, I mean do you watch those animal channels?? They run after weaker animals, grabbing them by the legs, ripping their ass off! Do you want to be an ass eater? Don't even get me started on the intestines.
Not an elephant either. Have you seen the male shlong??? You want that? A female elephant doesn't want to be an elephant!
A tick. I would be a tick. Just jump on, drink blood at will like you have a sippy cup. Give the itches... I mean that's motivating....right?
Interviewer: Why do you want this job?
Interviewee: Don't be so presumptuous! Why should I take this job, now that's a question.
Interviewer: Why are you leaving your present job?
Interviewee: Well hell! It's too fucking fantastic to keep! I mean, why not let someone else get dibs on that fucking lottery....right? I mean....it's about empowering others.....right?
I'm sure that interviewer would stop asking those stupid questions.
I wish it were a job to go to interviews just to say that...and for a nominal fee, I WOULD! I mean.... like I said.....it's about empowering others.....right?