Hello Everyone,

October 2015

I love October, not just because it is my birthday month but because the air changes, the season changes, the time changes.

It is when we must embrace the fact that the time change will have us seeing the dark sooner. A time when the trees begin to let loose the leaves, orange, brown and yellow leaves flying about.

It is the time when the ghouls and horrors are seen in decorations, shows, movies and parties.

It is the time when we say farewell to the summer heat, smile toward the cooler weather and wonder of the winter to come.

Happy October! May there be light within you to shine upon the earlier darker hours. May the ghouls and gremlins that ring the door bell make you smile and partake in trick or treat.

May you embrace the change in season knowing... it will bring us back to Spring soon enough.

I have added a tab - Whisper my words, which is a link to my site where I post stories, poems, AndMore events and the Watcher's Journal. Take a peek and enjoy.



June 24, 2011

AndMore...Don't think!!!

There comes a time when the brain just can't take anymore.  Emotions just can't get the right signals and it takes extreme measures to keep it together.

Thursday is just another Friday, people running about with plans without a care to the world for anyone else around them.

3:45 - my Dr.'s appt.  I was expecting getting there on time then sitting for 4 hours until they decide to call your name.  They give 10 others the same appt. time.

3:50 - They call my name and others were there first. 'Sorry but the results were not good. You will need a specialist....blah blah blah' (Don't think, don't think, don't think. Just listen, just breathe)

4:44 - Two panic attacks later I am sent off with the assurance that an appt was made for the following morning with yet another specialist.  I leave and just think about breathing, while also remembering that my son should have completed the military test and has not called.  We were to meet tonight.  It's too soon, why is he taking this test ONE week after breaking the news to me???? 

He does not answer my calls, I call Mom.  Mom tells me that my son passed the military test. He hasn't even called me. I guess we are not meeting for dinner after all.

5:01 -  I reach the path train but another panic attack is coming. SOS a friend, perhaps their voice will keep you grounded.......QUESTIONS! I get questions! I can barely function let alone think. NO!!!! (Don't think, don't think, don't think. Just breathe). I feel the need to just go home. I feel my own body shutting down.  Get off the phone, get on the train....go home.

6:05 - I get home.  It doesn't take this long, I have just been on several wrong trains.

I KNOW!  I will cook.  Cooking is therapy.  Cooking keeps my mind busy.  I have to focus on something.  I burn the fish but am able to salvage some.  I don't remember eating - just the empty plate.

I take a walk.  I get lost.  I get home. (Don't think, don't think, don't think. Just breathe).

I shower and go to bed.  (Don't think, don't think, don't think. Just breathe). But it's that time.  That twilight where peace can be heard yet not felt.  It comes, one wave after another.  Fear, anger, despair.  For me...for my son.  I know....I've been through this before....I will need supplies.  I think of those supplies....

Bricks, CHECK.  Trowel, CHECK CHECK.  Cement, CHECK.  Build, build it high.  No pain can come in.  Seal those emotions in.  Layer, layer.  Keep everyone out...........It's morning, time to see the next specialist.  (Don't think, don't think, don't think. Just breathe).  Layer more bricks.