They say that you get only as much as you can handle. Well that's a load of crap!
It seems just waking up is enough for me to receive another heepingful serving of crap.
Not only do I have to deal with the usual crap, some more falls. This time an all too familiar crap. It stepped out of my existence for two decades and resurfaced and brought fear and despair along for the ride.
I spent the night just giving into a good old fashion pity party. No hats, just plenty of tissue and a great relief to be alone and not worry about someone hearing the wailing.
But sunrise came and with it the realization that only I can take care of me. So I begin making calls, appointments were unsuccessful but I finished with a feeling that I began the journey. A journey of finding or borrowing strength, a journey of self and health. Everything else will have to tag along because this must come first.
It's funny but at one point in the night I remember having a horrible nightmare and waking up feeling as though, I should just get used to it. I lit a candle and prayed. I fell back to a peaceful sleep.
I'm not sure if it's my body demanding rest but I haven't the energy for anything. I must motivate myself to do something on this lovely day. Perhaps a drive, a netbook and a decaf will set me straight to some serious writing.
I do know this.....Strength escapes me...but faith carries me... Now that alone gives me the fight!
It seems just waking up is enough for me to receive another heepingful serving of crap.
Not only do I have to deal with the usual crap, some more falls. This time an all too familiar crap. It stepped out of my existence for two decades and resurfaced and brought fear and despair along for the ride.
I spent the night just giving into a good old fashion pity party. No hats, just plenty of tissue and a great relief to be alone and not worry about someone hearing the wailing.
But sunrise came and with it the realization that only I can take care of me. So I begin making calls, appointments were unsuccessful but I finished with a feeling that I began the journey. A journey of finding or borrowing strength, a journey of self and health. Everything else will have to tag along because this must come first.
It's funny but at one point in the night I remember having a horrible nightmare and waking up feeling as though, I should just get used to it. I lit a candle and prayed. I fell back to a peaceful sleep.
I'm not sure if it's my body demanding rest but I haven't the energy for anything. I must motivate myself to do something on this lovely day. Perhaps a drive, a netbook and a decaf will set me straight to some serious writing.
I do know this.....Strength escapes me...but faith carries me... Now that alone gives me the fight!
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