False advertisement.........leather pants

You just can't believe anything, anyone or any advertisement.  Domino's has sandwiches, I didn't know that co-workers were getting pizza, which I rarely eat and stated that sandwiches were sold.  After looking at the menu I ordered the Philly Cheese Steak sandwich.  Here's what their menu picture is like:
http://www.dominos.com/pages/menu.jsp#all  scroll down to the sandwiches.

Looks good....doesn't it?  Well this is what it really looks like:

Domino Death Sandwich is what is should be called.

So.....I eat it.  Not too long later, I felt like this:

God stop the pain!!!!!!!!

I stick it out at work knowing that my intestines grabbed hold of that sandwich and was not letting go at all.  The best thing is for your body to release bad food.  My intestines did not get the memo.

So after HOURS of agony, I finally get home and decide to be proactive, so I take:
 Sounds simple and 'gentle' enough....right?

The false advertisement above is in the 'A gentle action feminine laxative', because at 2:00 AM, I woke with one thought in mind....DEATH IS ONLY THE BEGINNING and swore that I could picture was going on in my stomach.  The 'gentle' laxative was active and taking no prisoners:

Bent over in massive pain I thought to myself that LABOR wasn't this bad, I half run and half hop to the bathroom and with all the years of religion I chanted:  Sweet Mary mother of Jesus get this out of ME!

A long long long long long long long long time later, I all but belly crawl back to bed.  But then........I get nauseous, I belly crawl back.

I think of  some old time advertisement I come across in researching for writing and remember one in particular I thought was funny and now ironic.  I definitely had the mentality of Mrs. A:

Mrs. A mentality.

Life has a sense of humor.
I should have thought along the same lines of Mrs. B:

Hail Hepatica.

Instead I ended up like:


So I ended up having lengthy conversations with God and all the saints until about 5am.  I called out sick from work (much to my co-workers enjoyment) and laid in bed in a fetal position, swearing off Philly Cheese Steaks.  I deeply know what the phrase 'sick as a dog' means.

At 11am I sip on some chicken broth (all my stomach can handle) when I hear a knock on the door.  It's Panty Man letting me know that a potential tenant/victim will be looking at the apartment.  I shower, dress, talk to God some more and hope that they look at the place at record speed, since the 'gentle' laxative was still hammering my guts.

At some point I remember that I have the Robin Hood DVD and decide to put it on, because nothing and I mean nothing will cheer me up like watching Russell Crowe run around a forest in leather pants.

DOMINO SUCKS!!!!  Don't believe the advertisement and if you ever need laxative just lick the 'gentle' tablet, I am sure that is all that one will need to prevent dehydration.