Ever had one of those days that you knew would lead you to one of those moments? The moment where you will either go over the edge completely and open a can of WHOOP ASS or where you will for some dumb reason laugh maniacally about something that no one else sees, hears or understands?
I get to the train station only to find out that I left my phone at work. I get to the bus station and there are no buses but a lot of people.
Route 3 as usual is backed up, it's now 8pm and my nerves are shot. I'm tired, I don't feel well and I will get home too late and too tired to finish packing.
I remember that the filter in my water pitcher is long overdue so I stop at the town Walgreen. There is a woman that is walking down the aisle where the filters are shelved. She is on the phone and has a carriage plus a purse that Samsonite would envy.
She is at a crawling pace and talking about her daughter 'the good for nothing'. I finally get to the mid aisle and grab the filter. I go to the ONLY cashier that is open and there are 7 people on line. Other clerks are roaming about oblivious to the cashier that is paging them to open other registers. I begin to count.
As I count I stare at the cashier and am mesmerized. What a butt ugly female. Her hair is so greasy it is plastered to her head, the bangs clumped together. She has one brow and it is the hairiest I have ever seen. She has a slight shadow of a mustache and chapped lips. No makeup and shallow eyes that scream 'I haven't slept since birth'. I used to sell MaryKay and I took classes on cosmetology so I would know what the heck I was doing when selling the products. I kept thinking, if I could I would......
Throw her into a tub with antibacterial and hire someone to bathe her. I would have them use a rake on her hair to get those clumps of dirt out. I would then take a lawn mower and divide that brow, hire the best waxer and have them torment her until there was a shape. Then I would apply some makeup on her face and shalaque it so it is permanent. Why someone would be so negligent with themselves is beyond me.
By the time I had completed that visual I was the next person to reach her. I thought to myself that I was mean, how could I think all those things about someone I did not know. The person ahead of me takes out a rubber banded stack of coupons. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????
It takes forever and I lost count. I start to think that maybe I would just lie to the cashier and tell her she won a trip to the zoo and drop her off the nearest MaryKay seminar. Those things are a whack, but you leave fully made over.
I am next and I look at her pin to see her name and I lost it. Completely LOST IT. I am laughing so hard that tears roll down both cheeks, my legs are in a pretzel twist and I am really close to the age old Pee Pee dance. The people behind me are either smiling, grinning or considering dialing for help. I laugh so much that I took the filter and stepped off the line.
After a long period and a few customers I get back on the line and the cashier is smiling. 'What is so funny?' I lose it again. I leave the filter and walk out.
An elderly woman was waiting outside that had left earlier, she asked 'Are you alright?' So I tell her about my day, than of my thoughts, she interrupted 'that's not a nice thing to think of someone.'
I asked that hag 'Did you look at her name tag?' She said 'As a matter of fact I did, her name is XYZ, a very nice young lady.'
I said 'Below her name, it says Beauty Advisor.'
It took a few minutes, but the hag just busted a gut. As I drove off, I looked in the rear view mirror to see that the hag was still by the door laughing and unless I was imagining, I would swear she was doing the Pee Pee dance.
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