News:
There are times in my life when insomnia takes over, lately is such a time. So....I watch the news.
Two women are talking about how they DON'T bathe! I KID YOU NOT. Smelly Mother F'KERS standing in front of a news reporter trying to tell the public, bathing is not required. One goes about 3 days without and brags about how much water she is saving. REALLY? REALLY??
The other also said she has never used deodorant! WHAT THE F*&K is happening to this world????
She said and I quote 'I had (key word HAD) intimate moments and never had (there goes that word again) a problem'. Well you F*&KING SKANK if you bathed your AZZ you would be saying I HAVE. What man wants to tap some dirty cooch? Would have to be one with a matching dirty package!
Now I know what that smell in SoHo is. Nasty AZZ non bathing BYTCHES!!!!
COMMERCIAL:
Cialis - you know......commercials give the side effects in a fast forward but when the same commercial plays over and over it's like devil music, you stop hearing the song and you hear the message. Same with commercials. After a while the Cialis one was a lot clearer. Side effects may include headache, facial flushing, indigestion, nasal congestion, muscle pain, pain in the arms and legs. WHAT THE F*&K?????
So.....in order to get laid when little good fellow doesn't stand at attention anymore you must take a pill that will give you a headache while blushing, make you fart, throws out your back while making you sound like Fran Drescher then leaves you like a cripple with lepers?????? How F*&KING romantic is THAT??? This is why Adult Toy stores will NEVER go out of business or the Energizer Bunny.
PREVIEWS:
I don't know the name of the show, but it consists of a 'panel' of Dr.'s, a bunch of Doogie Howser look alike that tell you SHYT you should already know. This preview tells you not to miss your chance to hear all the answers to the questions you have about why men and women are different. REALLY??? REALLY??? You can't just do your job and save lives??? One: topic mentioned just got my Rican going.....
What really goes on down there (men) - I don't need to see the show, men SHIFT. It just happens, goes along with scratching the ass. I'm not a man but I can say this. God knew what he was doing in making me a woman. There is no way I would have a pecker and leave it alone. I would worry to no end that if I left it to one side it would stay bent or flat. I would hate to find out that because it stayed in a corner on a hot day it wilted. I would shift that bytch every FIVE minutes. 'E Q Mi, I will fix your phone in a minute, I have to shift.' And don't even get me started about putting it in something.....THAT'S when I 'would' need a panel of Dr.'s. Check that cooch, I don't want my pecker falling off like if I drank Cialis. How about asking a panel of Dr.'s about the Buddies, what cruel joke was that creation. I would be tea bagging those things into moisturizer until all the wrinkles came out like Joan Rivers!!!!
We're different because one is man and one is woman. Built different, look different, smell different, emotions are different - hell that's why one has Estrogen and the other Testosterone. What the F*&K kind of stupid as segment is that???? Really???? REALLY???? That's important right now???? Who wants them the same?? Not ME! I would just BYTCH SLAP some WUSS that cried at a drop of a hat. That's MY JOB! I don't want to shift!!! Just leave things alone. We're different! No one hour show about it. ONE PARAGRAPH tells you why!!!!
I figured now that I was pissed I would just force myself to sleep. (a few short hours later).......
CABS:
So.....I get up to take the commute from hell. This particular morning there is an accident and of course NJ finest must close more lanes then needed. Add 2 hours to my trip and I get to NY, already late I choose to take a cab. One is RIGHT there, almost with my name on it.
NY finest pulls over the cab. Now Habib seemed nice enough but these days you can't be too careless. So I open the door thinking to myself 'I gotta get my Rican ass out of here before something blows, gets shot or something else.' The Cop slams the door closed 'Mam, you need to stay in the cab.' I tell her 'No, I need to get out and RUN, you stay and do what you gotta do.' She smiles and says 'there's no danger, this is a traffic stop and he is getting a ticket.'
Habib, probably accustomed to being stopped, grabs his paperwork mumbling to himself, to which he received a scolding for. She tells him that this will only take a minute, she then walks to the other FOUR cabs that were pulled over as well to tell them the same.
Habib: 25 years I drive cab, they never stop you before, you can't make left.
Me: Why don't they let me out of the cab?
Habib: Meter. Meter must off while ticket so you can't leave until meter on.
Me: Tell me about these stops.
Habib: All the time, they stop. I sick of this shyt.
Me: Why don't you cabbies stand together and fight the tickets, one voice, UNION.
Habib: No Union, just us, no one voice.
Cop: What's going on here.
Me: Well, I was telling Habib here how he should band together and fight this nonsense, heck if I can I would gather all the riders and make one voice..
Habib: No lady, shhhhh
Me: One voice, this is insane
Cop: Mam, stay in the car...silent please. Mr. Habib, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
Me: Habib, don't listen, you just get a ticket and fight it and tell the judge they made a passenger wait
Cop: Mr. Habib step out of the car
Habib: Lady pleeeeeease stop talking
Me: (swing of the head......mumbling.....DUMBASS, try to help....)
We finally get to leave, Habib BYTCHES all the way, I tip him really well, he stares at the money and says 'I say bless to you'
Me: Thanks
Habib: No, I say now
Me: Welll make it quick, I'm already really late! Religions!!!!!!!
Habib: *&^*&^*&^*&^*&
You know, I thought of that you tube where the tourist were married and didn't know the translation of the person reciting the vows was really bad mouthing them. I looked at Habib......NAH!
To summarize.......Commuting sucks, Cabbies hate each other, New Yorkers smell, getting laid can get your pecker lopped off and Dr.'s don't know shyt.
Somethings gotta give............
There are times in my life when insomnia takes over, lately is such a time. So....I watch the news.
Two women are talking about how they DON'T bathe! I KID YOU NOT. Smelly Mother F'KERS standing in front of a news reporter trying to tell the public, bathing is not required. One goes about 3 days without and brags about how much water she is saving. REALLY? REALLY??
The other also said she has never used deodorant! WHAT THE F*&K is happening to this world????
She said and I quote 'I had (key word HAD) intimate moments and never had (there goes that word again) a problem'. Well you F*&KING SKANK if you bathed your AZZ you would be saying I HAVE. What man wants to tap some dirty cooch? Would have to be one with a matching dirty package!
Now I know what that smell in SoHo is. Nasty AZZ non bathing BYTCHES!!!!
COMMERCIAL:
Cialis - you know......commercials give the side effects in a fast forward but when the same commercial plays over and over it's like devil music, you stop hearing the song and you hear the message. Same with commercials. After a while the Cialis one was a lot clearer. Side effects may include headache, facial flushing, indigestion, nasal congestion, muscle pain, pain in the arms and legs. WHAT THE F*&K?????
So.....in order to get laid when little good fellow doesn't stand at attention anymore you must take a pill that will give you a headache while blushing, make you fart, throws out your back while making you sound like Fran Drescher then leaves you like a cripple with lepers?????? How F*&KING romantic is THAT??? This is why Adult Toy stores will NEVER go out of business or the Energizer Bunny.
PREVIEWS:
I don't know the name of the show, but it consists of a 'panel' of Dr.'s, a bunch of Doogie Howser look alike that tell you SHYT you should already know. This preview tells you not to miss your chance to hear all the answers to the questions you have about why men and women are different. REALLY??? REALLY??? You can't just do your job and save lives??? One: topic mentioned just got my Rican going.....
What really goes on down there (men) - I don't need to see the show, men SHIFT. It just happens, goes along with scratching the ass. I'm not a man but I can say this. God knew what he was doing in making me a woman. There is no way I would have a pecker and leave it alone. I would worry to no end that if I left it to one side it would stay bent or flat. I would hate to find out that because it stayed in a corner on a hot day it wilted. I would shift that bytch every FIVE minutes. 'E Q Mi, I will fix your phone in a minute, I have to shift.' And don't even get me started about putting it in something.....THAT'S when I 'would' need a panel of Dr.'s. Check that cooch, I don't want my pecker falling off like if I drank Cialis. How about asking a panel of Dr.'s about the Buddies, what cruel joke was that creation. I would be tea bagging those things into moisturizer until all the wrinkles came out like Joan Rivers!!!!
We're different because one is man and one is woman. Built different, look different, smell different, emotions are different - hell that's why one has Estrogen and the other Testosterone. What the F*&K kind of stupid as segment is that???? Really???? REALLY???? That's important right now???? Who wants them the same?? Not ME! I would just BYTCH SLAP some WUSS that cried at a drop of a hat. That's MY JOB! I don't want to shift!!! Just leave things alone. We're different! No one hour show about it. ONE PARAGRAPH tells you why!!!!
I figured now that I was pissed I would just force myself to sleep. (a few short hours later).......
CABS:
So.....I get up to take the commute from hell. This particular morning there is an accident and of course NJ finest must close more lanes then needed. Add 2 hours to my trip and I get to NY, already late I choose to take a cab. One is RIGHT there, almost with my name on it.
NY finest pulls over the cab. Now Habib seemed nice enough but these days you can't be too careless. So I open the door thinking to myself 'I gotta get my Rican ass out of here before something blows, gets shot or something else.' The Cop slams the door closed 'Mam, you need to stay in the cab.' I tell her 'No, I need to get out and RUN, you stay and do what you gotta do.' She smiles and says 'there's no danger, this is a traffic stop and he is getting a ticket.'
Habib, probably accustomed to being stopped, grabs his paperwork mumbling to himself, to which he received a scolding for. She tells him that this will only take a minute, she then walks to the other FOUR cabs that were pulled over as well to tell them the same.
Habib: 25 years I drive cab, they never stop you before, you can't make left.
Me: Why don't they let me out of the cab?
Habib: Meter. Meter must off while ticket so you can't leave until meter on.
Me: Tell me about these stops.
Habib: All the time, they stop. I sick of this shyt.
Me: Why don't you cabbies stand together and fight the tickets, one voice, UNION.
Habib: No Union, just us, no one voice.
Cop: What's going on here.
Me: Well, I was telling Habib here how he should band together and fight this nonsense, heck if I can I would gather all the riders and make one voice..
Habib: No lady, shhhhh
Me: One voice, this is insane
Cop: Mam, stay in the car...silent please. Mr. Habib, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
Me: Habib, don't listen, you just get a ticket and fight it and tell the judge they made a passenger wait
Cop: Mr. Habib step out of the car
Habib: Lady pleeeeeease stop talking
Me: (swing of the head......mumbling.....DUMBASS, try to help....)
We finally get to leave, Habib BYTCHES all the way, I tip him really well, he stares at the money and says 'I say bless to you'
Me: Thanks
Habib: No, I say now
Me: Welll make it quick, I'm already really late! Religions!!!!!!!
Habib: *&^*&^*&^*&^*&
You know, I thought of that you tube where the tourist were married and didn't know the translation of the person reciting the vows was really bad mouthing them. I looked at Habib......NAH!
To summarize.......Commuting sucks, Cabbies hate each other, New Yorkers smell, getting laid can get your pecker lopped off and Dr.'s don't know shyt.
Somethings gotta give............
your rant reminded me of several things as I was reading...
ReplyDeleteAs for the women who dont bathe, I think I work with them...
another thought had to do with side effects of medicines, I recall driving to work a few weeks back hearing an ad for some new drug on the market, for the life of me the name of the drug escapes me, maybe that is a side effect of the drugs I currently are on, but anyways,,, the side effects were so appealing to me... hallucinations, confusion, dizziness, sexual arousal, psychotic episodes, sleeplessness, loss of vision, etc... I wanted the drug just for the side effects... who would not want to be sexually aroused and high at the same time?
As for the cabbie portion... i loved the way you fueled the situation... I would have considered running to see if the out of shape cop could keep up with me...
As for traffic... Same sh#t happens here in Chicago, someone has a flat tire on the side of the expressway, tow trucks, yes more than one, have to block off 2 lanes for a 2 mile to help the stupid asswipe change his tire and clean up because the was chatting on the phone, all the while driving on his rims because he had no idea his tire was flat and leaving rubber debris everywhere, completely clueless... but that ok, someone will clean up after me.... he must have been a producer for the show "The Doctors" weeknights at 5 on WCIU.. the U!!!
to help with the sleeplessness, next time try Ambian... side effects only include...taken directly from their website... Severe allergic reactions (rash; hives; itching; difficulty breathing; tightness in the chest; swelling of the hands, legs, mouth, face, lips, eyes, throat, or tongue; throat closing; unusual hoarseness); abnormal thinking; behavior changes; chest pain; confusion; decreased coordination; difficulty swallowing or breathing; fainting; fast or irregular heartbeat; hallucinations; memory problems (eg, memory loss); mental or mood changes (eg, aggression, agitation, anxiety); new or worsening depression; severe dizziness; shortness of breath; suicidal thoughts or actions; vision changes.
keep them coming GC, another day in paradise...
David