Inspiration me...today I will...learning discipline

'today I will...learning discipline...surrender to discipline. I realize that sometimes it takes time to see the fruits of labors, yet I still need to practice discipline. Help me to remember, God, that I'm moving forward, and that I'm learning the very important art of discipline.' ~ Language of letting go by Melody Beattie

'We calmly ask ourselves, with dismal satisfaction, that we're seeing the truth about them for the first time.' `Biting Back by Claudia Cunningham

'Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor.' ~Dr. Alexis Carrel


See..the thing about wanting to know why ones life is the way it is, you get to a point when you have to look within.  Is the pain just falling from the sky? Or...are you letting it in.  Inviting it so to speak.
 
If you know that someone is taking advantage, is the pain it causes really a surprise?  If someone plays with your heart and mind, did they learn a code to get to it? Or did you let them in?
 
I remember thinking while watching Vampire Diaries that I wouldn't mind letting Damian in for a bite.  In hindsight, that little joke to self was more like a reality with me concerning others.  Those that feed off my energy, my life, my finance, my happiness, my sadness, my passion and even my anger.
 
It is surprising to me how instead of calming someone when they are angry some people treat it like a Bytch fest, or when sad it becomes a pity party.  Before you know it - one of you is exhausted and still frustrated while the other is exhilarated.
 
Knowing this is not enough!  It's like a war to regain... self.  You must plan the battlefield (your core), carefully select your weapons (inner strength, faith and perseverance), never retreat (it's a fight to the end).  And...when you win...you must stand like a warrior to let others know, that too can happen to them if they try to take advantage.
 
Knowing is not enough!  You must realize, admit and stop giving the impression, signs or weakness that tells life sucking people that your life is not theirs for the taking.
 
I don't see 'the truth' for 'the first time', I merely admit it for 'the first time'.
 
The marble that is me, will be sculpted by me, as a warrior with heart.

Inspiration me...I am a human being, not a human doing

I am a human being, not a human doing.  Don't equate your self-worth with how how well you do things in life. You aren't what you do.  If you are what you do, then when  you don't...you aren't. ~Inner Wisdom Cards by Dr. Wayne Dyer

Lord, what fools these mortals be! ~ A Midsummer Night's Dream, 3. 2

Or in the night, imagining some fear, How easy is a bush supposed a bear! ~ A Midsummer Night's Dream, 5. 1

It's incredible that when you do and do and do; three things happen.  It is always expected of you to 'do'.  What you 'do' eventually is all the is described of you.  When you stop 'do'ing, you don't know who you are.

I stopped.  I stopped talking, caring, loving, trying, preaching, hoping, dreaming, listening, speaking, feeling, doing.  I just stopped!  It wasn't intentional.  I just one day realized, there isn't a single person alive that really knows me.  You show a little and the rest is assumed, stamped and trademarked.  You are now whatever a person has seen you do.

I stopped.  I couldn't tell what I wanted to stop, change or continue.  So...I stopped it all.  The silence was brief but profound.  In all the complaints, babble and chaos the one sound I heard the loudest was...my silence.

The numbness feels so good, I don't even try to start again.  Rather, I accept that all must change and the all is me.  A rebirth of sorts.  You can't go back, you can't stay; you can only go forward.  Might as well go with a clean slate.

Do you know your worth? Is what you know of yourself or what others perceive? Are you what you do? What happens when you stop?  Are you the sturdy bush or the imaginary bear?

I dare you to be you!  The real you; who will that person be?!

Inspiration me...today I will...healthy giving

'Inspiration me...today I will practice healthy giving, understanding that care taking and compulsive giving don't work. I choose what I want to give, to whom, when, and how much. It takes time to learn how to give in health ways. It takes time to learn to receive. Balance will come.' ~Melody Beattie in The Language of Letting go.

"While waking up to the fact that we're giving our lives away to vampires may not feel like such a good thing, let me assure you: it is." ~Biting Back by Claudia Cunningham.

Those of you that have followed my writing may know of 'The Quest', my constant journeys to finding a better way of living, a way to not only find but maintain happiness.  During my quests I always come across the same lesson that I must find hard to learn.  People can suck the energy even life right out of you.  My latest quest teaches me that I lend a hand to that feeding.

I am generous to a fault and have been told that many times.  It isn't a compliment, the word fault alone should make that clear enough.  I am learning that holding back is good not just for myself but for the other party.   Now I 'choose' what to give, when, how much and why.  I also learned that I don't have to give an explanation.  It is incredible how arrogant people are.  It is not enough to just say no, you must give a reason as if to justify the answer.  Which in all reality means they were expecting a yes.  They were 'telling' you what they wanted in a form of a question.  Because 'you' - 'I' have taught them by not saying no, that it is acceptable to demand in the form of a question.

I am 'awake' to 'the fact' that I have been giving my 'life' away.  I devote each day to getting it back.

Are you withering away?  Do you see the people that are fanged out in front of you?  If you look closely within...are you tilting you head for easy access without knowing it?

WAKE up.  Be generous but not to a fault.  Take control of your inner and outer assets.  Teach others how to appreciate their inner and outer assets... by example.

Inspiration me...Master Key 37:11...Change

Inspiration me...Master Key 37:11...Change is not the same as progress. ~Inner Power Wisdom cards by Dr. Antonia M.

'There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction' ~ Winston Churchill

'The ground moves but the landscape is the same' ~gracey castro

I have for the past few weeks felt a certain let down within myself I could not describe.  Many changes that were needed in my life were finally taking place.  Yet it didn't feel right.  It just feels like I am existing and having no productive part in this life.  Merely going along each day, the routine to exact I don't have to bother thinking.  What a miserable way to live!

Then I begin to write to a friend.  Writing exactly what I felt at the moment.  It hit me...No matter all the changes that were needed, happened and even those that still need to happen...there is no progress.

There is no progress to my inner growth; to my spiritual growth.  It even feels at times as though I give up one landscape of trees for another so similar, it seems as though it's the same landscape.  No progress.

The trees do not become forests, the flowers don't die but don't bloom, the stream is heard but no seen.  No progress!

I have looked forward to change for so long, I did not plan for the thereafter.  What happens after the change?  Why didn't I plan the direction to head when I knew I would be changing paths?

I ground my inner core and look toward progress as I accept changes.

Do you need changes in your life?  Did you plan on the progress thereafter?  On your map of life, did you highlight the directions you need to take?

It is great to know that change is good, it is greater to know why it's good.

Inspiration me...Master Key 47:2

Inspiration me...Master Key 47:2 - Say what must be said and say it sincerely without fear or malice. ~The Inner Power Wisdom Cards; Dr. Antonia M.

The above is sound advise, however people don't want to hear the truth.  They fear it or see it as malice.  They want you to agree with them, sit and ponder with them but in no way say the truth; if it's different to their truth.  Than you would be accused of not allowing them to 'vent' or 'being bitchy' or your being 'cold' or 'enter anything that is the opposite of just being sincere'.

But say what must be said anyway.  Because you must be able to be yourself.  Just say it with the kindness; sincerity and love it should be said with.  Be yourself; not the self someone else wants you to be.  We lack more and more the ability to allow others to be who they are.  We want people to be like us.  It's the difference that makes us special.  I remember telling a religious person once, who constantly complained about the things that annoyed him of other people (mostly things that they did and he thought his way was better and the 'only' way) - 'you know, you must be the Lord's greatest reason when shaking his head, after all, he made us different for a reason; yet you; the self proclaimed 'saved' one, reject 'his' creations'.

Here's another few lines from a movie with Morgan Freeman (Robin Hood) that stresses the same point -

Azeem: Salaam, little one.

Small Girl: Did God paint you?
Azeem: Did God paint me? [laughs]
Azeem: For certain.
Small Girl: Why?
Azeem: Because Allah loves wondrous varieties.

Don't just dare to be different!  Dare to accept those that are different.  Don't just say what you think should be said.  Say what must be said; say it with heart and kindness, say it to harm none.

Inspiration me....sucking the life out of someone

'My life belongs to the vampire. I only work here.' ~Biting Back Claudia Cunningham

I already knew of energy vampires (The term "energy vampire" is also used metaphorically, to refer to people whose influence leaves a person feeling exhausted, unfocused and depressed) for some time now.  I have been surrounded by them most of my life.  I worked for one that sunk her teeth so deep, she nearly impaled me.

The obvious ones are easier to recognize, but the ones that subtle, now those you barely see.  They don't show their true selves, more like adapting to you, your way of being, habits, etc.  Learning your weaknesses.  Don't be fooled, you are prey.  They need and want your energy.  Before you know it, you are dismal, negative, tired, depressed and they are what you were.  Full of life...your life.

It is only recently that I have adapted to the 'It's my life and I LIVE it' mantra.  I knew that's how it should be but I always allowed an energy vampire in.  The things is, you can let them in but you most definitely can kick them OUT.

Don't feel guilty for taking control of your life.  Take your happiness and walk right out of their lives, making sure they know, they are not 'invited'.  There are so many people out there waiting to be met.  People with energy of their own and no need to suck yours out.

Let the 'vampires' hang with their own.  Join the 'living'...join the optimistic of the world and watch our self become one with our own energy.

Are you sucking the life out of someone?  Taking someone for granted?  Over sharing your misery repeatedly? Do you believe misery loves company?  .......than  you are an energy vampire.

Inspiration me...the power in 'one' word.....

Every thought, every word, every deed, every inner experience is an investment. Are you living profitably or do you operate at a loss? ~Master Key 26:2; Inner Power Wisdom cards by Dr. Antonia M.


I told someone 'do you even realize how powerful a word is? Picture if you will a room full of people and one person stands on the table and screams FIRE. What do you think will happen?'

She answered...'People will run'.

That's just ONE word. All that power in one word. Knowing that - why use words that would bring the power of negativity?

Are you using positive words? Are making your life enlightened and empowered with the 'right' word/s?

Inspiration me...seeing things for how they are

Inspiration me.....seeing things for how they are

Imagination, creativity, fantasy are things that can be well and good.  However, it can also be a strong enemy.

My constant prayer 'Lord, help me to see things for how they are, and not how I fantasize them to be.'

A daily mantra; for I tend to let the writer in me use words to paint a landscape that is not real.  The fine line between dreaming and reality isn't even on that paper/canvas.  Before I know it I believe in the dream and lose sight of the reality.

I tend to see the good in people to a tremendous fault.  To the point where I want to believe in the good that may not even be there.  I tend to overlook the faults that cause me pain...ever hopeful that the fantasy of their changing would become reality.  I than seem to lose focus on which is the dream and which is the fantasy.

I wish I knew the answer to knowing the difference immediately.  I don't.  Hence the daily prayer, the constant mantra.

I have taken to shutting down.  Just eliminating all from me.  Grouping the speckles of what is left of my strength and hoping I can extend myself with caution once again.

I remember my mother once saying...'Some are meant to be alone. You are one of those.'  After decades of the fantasy that she may have just had a mean moment when saying that to me when a mere child.  I stand as woman slowly seeing that fine line to reality and knowing, I am my mothers daughter.

But I find a peace in that.  In knowing that for the first time in years, I know where I am standing and I slowly see the landscape, no matter how dismal... I shall put my pen down and learn to pick up a paint brush.  It reminds me of something I see often in others.  How most people would rather be right then hopeful.  Right than faithful.  You can't be both if the answer is different.  You can't say 'that person will die of his sickness' then say 'I believe he will make it' or 'I pray he makes it'.

Am I right or am I faithful?  Has my frenemy Hope seeped into my heart when I was not looking?  Or has reality placed the weight of harshness on me?  Do I want to be right or faithful?

Are you right?  The self proclaimed genius with all answers?  Or....are you hopeful, faithful or a grand painter?

Inspiration me...Inner Wisdom cards

I am patient and loving with my fearful thoughts. Be patient and loving with every fearful thought. Practice observing your fears as a witness, and you'll see them dissolve. ~Inner Wisdom Cards by Wayne Dyer

Most interesting that I picked this card today.  Last night about a couple of hours after falling asleep, I woke to a feeling of deep dread immediately followed by intense fear.  I did not remember a nightmare, just a feeling of fear.  I was so hot I struggled for air and opened the window.  I sat for a while just taking deep breaths.  Finally, I remembered something I had learned the day before.  In a meditation* class the instructor spoke of feeling each limb throughout the body.  To say to yourself... relax.  To get to that state of mind where you are one with your environment.

The mantra 'relax, relax, relax' soothed me.  I soon found myself laying down again and not thinking of the dread or fear.  I went to sleep having no dreams - no nightmares just a restful sleep.

I found myself patient with fear.  Loving with self.  I saw it dissolve and witnessed it's weakness.

Are you patient and loving with your fearful thoughts?  Does dread and fear control your emotions?

Try telling yourself; to your deepest self; to relax.

*Meditation techniques from:  Transformation, Meditation & DreamWork Circle by Dr. Antonia M.  for details:  http://www.meetup.com/innerlife/events/16398134/?a=ce1o_grp&rv=ce1o

Inspiration me...Master Key 52:3

First off, to all effected in the lastest quakes and tsunami, my prayers to you.

Master Key 52:3 - You cannot change the past, but you can evolve the way you respond to it presently.
Master Key 52:4 - Do not be your history. Be your potential instead. ~ Inner Power Wisdom cards by Dr. Antonia M.

I have as of late talked about just that.  The past, letting go, allowing change to happen, not allowing the actions of others predict who you are (especially when the past has made you try to predict what someone else will say or do).

Dare to be different.  Dare to believe that others can change for the better.  Dare to believe that you can change for the better.  Dare to remember your history for the lesson it was and not the rewind you allow it to be. Dare to MAKE a situation that has repeated have a different outcome.

Stand tall and take charge!  I...can...evolve...  I...have...potential!

I know I'm chanting it!

Inspiration me...Mastery Key 14:1

Mastery Key 14:1 - You must watch the words  you use and the hidden messages lodged between them. Think not only of what you want to say but also why you want to say it.

Often we say things without thinking.  Boy am I truly guilty of that and usually on a daily basis.  Being blunt definitely has its costs.  Yet, I rather be blunt then hypocritical.  I just have to 'master' the 'key' words that will keep me honest and not so brutal.  One thing I am not is a person that speaks with hidden messages.  I speak clear.  I wish more people did so as well.  Sometimes a simple conversation can seem like an egg hunt.

I remember an old boyfriend that would always say 'Si no tienes nada bueno que dicir, pues diga nada'.  If you have nothing good to say...then say nothing.  Words to live by.

Inspiration me...Master Key 7:4...Worry not

Master Key 7:4...Worry not about who you used to be or who you have always been. Fill that space instead with excitement about who you are becoming.  ~Inner Power Wisdom Cards by Dr. Antonina M.

Interesting to pull that card.  I was just speaking of that last night.  About how I need to stop letting the emotions, negativity and issues of others dictate who I should be.  That I had practiced and taught a level of positiveness that I need to get back to.  Then I pull that card, an affirmation.

Reminds me of something someone once told me. 'becoming like your peers makes you more of a detail lost in landscape, than the person you were meant to be.'  Oh wait, the person who said that was me.  To a young teenager who was vastly becoming like the hostile peers she was spending time with.

It would do me good to remember my own analogies.  It would do me well indeed.....

Are you lost in the details of landscape?  Or are you part of the story that unfolds in the view of master piece painting?  Better yet.....are you the artist?

Remembrance...Positive

Remembrance...yesterday marked another anniversary of Dad's death.  As people went on their usual rants and petty complaints of the day, I went through it with an agony words can not describe.

They say time heals all wounds.  I say - not all wounds.  The pain hasn't dulled one bit.

A surgeon, trying to calm me spoke stories that did exactly that.  It calmed me.  He spoke of his wife who endured Chemo and Radiation and still died of cancer.  That was the last sentence he spoke negatively, he then took me into a lovely walk through his memory.  Nostalgia lane was beautiful.

'We were made for each other.  Perfect for each other.  We had the same sense of humor.  We laughed together.  We had kids, they are all grown now.  We didn't fight.  We had small arguments over who was spoiling what child too much, but nothing more than that.'

'We had this running joke for decades.  I would call her, Come here, you have to look at this, hurry! And she would stop whatever she was doing and rush over.  I would be standing in front of the mirror saying Look at that gorgeous man.'  (He would get her every time with that one).  One day she turned the tables and played that joke on him.  His smile while telling that particular story is one I shall not soon forget.

He spoke of how depressed he was to lose her and barely functioned.  How his daughter announced she was pregnant, the first of several grandchildren. 'My grandchildren saved my life.'  That was the moment I choked back tears.

He's a small surgeon with an ageless face.  He speaks with a hushed tone as if too many years of talking exhausted his vocal chords. 

The next day was March 2nd and the thoughts of Dad overwhelmed me.  Throughout the entire day, whether via email, text, phone or in person; people did nothing but complain.  The economy, the lack of raise, the boss that has it in for them, the spouse or lover that did them wrong, the house they can't afford, the lack of attention.....blah blah blah

I barely spoke throughout the day, too exhausted for even words.  It's been four years - my family don't even mention my father.  When I speak of him, it mostly feels as though people react in a sense of (let it go).

He was a good man.  He had a great sense of humor.  Dad used to always say 'Kiddo, no matter what happens in life, don't lose your sense of humor.'  When sickness took his sight he still would put the cartoons on and laugh. He's worth remembering.  I could speak to him about anything.  I miss him, every... single... day.

That surgeon made me realize that he kept his wife alive.  With each story to his patients he kept her memory alive.  He learned to embrace those memories and cherish the person she was.

I wish he would teach that, many would do well to learn.

I sat across from a co-worker; beer in hand. 'You can't ask anyone these days a simple opening statement like How are you?  because you are taken into the realm of their colonoscopy, marital woes, financial distress, work issues or anything and everything that is negative.'  He laughed but then paused and said 'You know, you're right.'

I'm sick of all the negativity.  Just out right SICK with it.  Nobody has a single positive thought or the rare ones that do, over shadow it with a hundred negative ones.  If Evil were banking on negativity to win its war, sadly, Evil is close to the prize.

Positive...where oh where have you gotten to? 

Who are you?  Do you even know?  Are you nay saying the day away?  Are you taking down anyone else with your downer parade?  Are you so miserable that it has become fun to make others as well?  Or are  you brave and strong enough to kick negative in the ass and put on a brilliant smile and let goodness have a chance at winning?

Really?  Which one are you???

Inspiration me...Mastery Key: 49:4

Master Key 49:4; Desire nothing. Intend everything. deck by Dr. Antonia Martinez

Sounds so simple...doesn't it?  But it isn't.  Desires creep in and linger, gnawing at your wants and realizations.  I have not given classes on intentions in about a year.  Good thing too since I lack the enthusiasm required for intending.

To make an intent is to believe heart, mind and soul that it will be.  To desire, one longs for and may doubt in receiving something.  I am on that fence, the one that clearly shows the green on one side and the dry brown grass on the either...yet...still...I linger on that fence.

I shall work on my intending everything.  I shall work on it very hard.

Are you working on intending everything.